Leah's bedding

This is not really a "tutorial" kind of blog, and I'm not sure I have much to "tutorial" about, but it's a blog about my life, and this has been a huge part of my life for the past couple of months, and to be honest I'm kind of proud of how it turned out.

Backstory: we live in a 2-bedroom apartment. We are about to have baby #2. We are moving this summer to a bigger place, but in the meantime we've got a lack of space (or at least a lack of partition) making bringing in an additional child (especially a newborn) slightly problematic. So Bryan and I decided to get a mini crib for our bedroom for Leah.

I have always been intrigued by the idea of making baby bedding - it seems like it's not terribly difficult (a lot of straight seams, etc) as long as you can get the engineering right. Add to that the fact that mini crib bedding is super hard to find, and I couldn't find anything I loved, and there you have it. I decided to make Leah's bedding.

So... here it is:
(bumpers and blanket)

(crib skirt - taken prior to the bumpers being finished)

I love the pink, the mix of patterns and textures (that's chenille at the bottom of the skirt - it's also on the reverse side of the bumpers) and the elephants marching around the crib!

A friend of mine convinced me (thanks, Ro!) to take pictures at every stage. I was way better at this at first, apparently - I have no pictures of the actual process of making the bumpers, which was the hardest part, but oh well. Here's roughly how I did it:

Step 1: gather materials
(not pictured: four zippers, piping, thread, etc).

Step 2: make bumper forms (for regular-sized cribs, you can buy these. For a mini crib, you either have to make them or buy bumpers and use them as forms - making them was far more cost-efficient).

I used a layer of foam wrapped in batting, and stuffed into muslin. All extremely cheap at the fabric store around the corner from work, but quite awkward to navigate with on the T.

First I measured how big I wanted the bumpers, and then subtracted a little from the height to account for the batting, and then cut the foam.

I enlisted Bryan to help me wrap the foam in batting.


I measured the circumference (?) of the forms using a measuring tape, added for seam allowance on length and width (I used 1/2" seam allowance for everything - I think it was great because it was so forgiving), and then cut, pinned, sewed, and stuffed the muslin. Sorry I don't have a final picture of the bumper forms! I promise, they look just like the picture above except brown...

I suppose you could skip this step, but I wanted the bumpers to be easily washable, and re-stuffable. (That's also the reason I put in zippers on the bumper covers).

Step 3: Crib skirt. SUPER easy, but makes a big impact. First I cut all of the pieces to the size I wanted. This ended up being a 2-step process, because I measured the first time all the way from the bottom of the mattress to the floor and didn't like the way it looked like that, so I re-measured and took off a few inches from the top layer.

(this is pre-second cut).

Basically, pin and sew the pieces together, iron the seams (!!) then hem the sides. I used muslin for the under-the-mattress part, and that worked quite well. (My one tip here would be to make the muslin a little smaller than the size of the mattress - this will ensure that the muslin doesn't end up showing. I didn't do this and wish I had).

Step 3: Bumpers. This is by far the longest, most tedious process.

Make the ties - I remember looking at patterns and tutorials for making bedding online and it seemed like everyone used ribbon for ties. I didn't like that look very much and I couldn't figure out why. Now I know. Making ties is SUPER time-consuming. I spent two evenings just doing this! It involved cutting the fabric, ironing the seam allowances in, and then sewing on the outside of the fabric (no way was I going to turn them inside-out; I tried one that way and totally lost my patience). And I had to make sixteen. But they turned out really cute, totally worth it.


Then I made the piping - measure around the piping form, add 1" for seam allowance, and use a zipper presser foot to sew right up on the edge. (I didn't take any pictures of this step... sorry... this is where it started to get spotty...)

Next I cut all of the pieces for the bumpers, and tried to figure out how to insert invisible zippers. I ended up just following the directions on the package, and that was smart. Then I sewed all of the sides, including the piping seam allowance in the top seam allowance (does that even make sense? I'm tired) and inserting the ties along the side seams. The hardest parts about this were (1) making sure that I got the seam right on the edge of the piping form again, and (2) making sure there were no "holes" around the top and bottom of the zipper. I had to go back and fix three out of four of the bumper covers when I was done for one or both of these issues.

Ultimately, though, I think it looks pretty cute:

And the bumpers passed Eden's inspection (she calls them "We-ah's pillows"):

I should also say, step zero, I guess, was making the blanket (this was extra, obviously, and I did it before I started the rest of the bedding). I used this tutorial on YouTube. It took forever and a ton of yarn (I would probably use a bigger needle next time) but it was very, very easy. And it's going to be super warm for our little winter baby.

I have grand ideas about making a mobile using the parts from Eden's mobile, and possibly a Boppy cover (curved lines?? What??), but for now I feel good that Leah's bedding is finished. And I'm glad it turned out cute. It was a lot of work, but she's worth it!

At home

So, news. Forgive me, it's a little disjointed, but I am tired (yes I know it is 8:30. I'm old, pregnant, and Eden was sick last night; I'm OK with it).

I've been seeing the doctor every week for quite a while now (had a weird heartbeat non-issue plus a ton of contractions, which up to now have been thankfully unproductive but also quite annoying). Thursday afternoon I had my usual doctor's appointment and, as usual (for the past month), she does a quick "exam." (yeah, that kind).

She gets a little quiet. I am too nervous to look at her, plus it's a little awkward in that position... and so I stare at the supply cabinet. And she says, "Yeah, you're about 'fingertip' dilated, and a lot 'shorter' than last week... You have the capacity to work from home, right?"

Yes, ma'am, I do. But first, please tell me this is not a big deal.

"So you're 33 weeks now." (33 1/2 actually, but who's counting?) "At 34, we wouldn't stop labor anyway, but ideally we'd like to see you get to 36 or 37 at least." (I know this, and I am a little bit freaking out about the thought that 34 weeks is in FOUR DAYS, and they wouldn't do anything to stop labor? What?? I can't imagine having a 34 week baby - oh please God no!) "I don't think you'll go too soon - I think you'll make it to 35 or 36 at least." (Oh, thanks, so you're giving me 1.5 weeks?? ELEVEN DAYS???) "And you might make it to 40, 41." (Bless you for saying that, Doc. I needed to hear that.) "But I want you to start working from home anyway. I think you need to take it a little easier. Do you need a note from me?"

OK, so it's not a huge deal, I'm barely dilated, but I'm being told to work from home. And Leah could be here soonish. Or not.

I went in to the office on Friday, gathered some stuff, talked to HR and the associates' committee chair, and got set up to start my official work-from-home phase on Monday morning. From a work standpoint, it is not going to be super easy, but it will be doable. From a life standpoint, it takes a HUGE load off. I can stop working at 6, and be home at 6! I can sleep until 8 and start working at 8:30 (gotta eat breakfast and stuff, but don't have to shower/get dressed/even get out of bed!). Plus, I finally feel like I'm doing something to help this baby stay in, other than try to drown contractions while lying on my side on the couch.

The firm has been really great about the whole thing. The associates' committee chair told me to just let them know whatever I needed - if I need to start working a reduced schedule, OK, that can be arranged (at full pay). And if I need to quit working altogether, OK, that can be arranged (at full pay). And don't worry about utilization this year. We understand. (Can I get that one in writing, please?) My practice group was very understanding; to be honest I think they half-expected something like this for a while. I had a client meeting with one of the partners a couple of weeks ago and he told the client ((a woman) who was gushing over my belly, asking when the baby was due) he didn't expect me to make it to my due date. But they're a great group of people, so I didn't expect any less. The only difficult thing is, my secretary was fired a couple of weeks ago and they haven't replaced him, so I am in this weird in-between phase where I am shoving my administrative work off onto two other secretaries. Each secretary on my floor works with 4 attorneys, so each of those two secretaries now essentially works with 6 (their regular 4, plus 2 (give or take) which my secretary was working with) - which is, of course, insane already. Now one of those attorneys (yours truly) is going to be out of the office, which means these two ladies will be answering every single phone call, emailing about every piece of mail, sending documents back and forth to my house, getting stuff out of my office, etc. Thankfully they're both wonderful.

So, that's the story. We'll see how tomorrow goes. The firm set me up with a loaner laptop, a loaner printer, a ream of paper, and a bunch of office supplies. Everything is set up in our office and I should be ready to hit the ground running tomorrow. And if I need to take a rest, put my feet up, and make the contractions stop, I can do so. I might even be able to sneak in a nap.

Plus, I no longer have to wait in below-freezing weather for a bus every morning! Bonus!

Open Letter to Third Trimester

Hello, Third Trimester. We're not really going to be friends, are we? It seems like every time we start to get along, you throw down. And me? Well, at least for another several weeks (we hope), I'm at your mercy. You've gone to heartburn, pelvic pain, back pain, shortness of breath (why do we live on the third floor again?), and, most of all, contractions. Lots of contractions. They don't do anything, thankfully, they're just sometimes regular and occasionally painful and always annoying. We've already been to the hospital once to get checked out, and I've had to call the doctor twice more because I've been having lots of those pesky contractions. Always on Sundays, always when Bryan's not home. Probably because you know that's when if something needs to be done, I'm the only one here to do it. We don't need to run through the list of "things that need to be done" because we both know that's just a little too much information for the Internet. Let's leave it at lots of messes, especially those of a two-and-a-half year old and a cute but sort of stupid cat.

Well, we're going to have to make peace with each other. Even if we can't be friends, we're going to have to live with each other for several more weeks. Hopefully at least 8, but not more than 12. How about I'll try to take it easier and not carry groceries up three flights of stairs, and you avoid making me freak out that I'm going into preterm labor.

Because this is not about you or me. This is about Leah. And we want her to be healthy and strong and ready to face the world. So throw your heartburn, pelvic pain, back pain, and shortness of breath at me all you want. But let's just leave her out of it. OK?

Sweet Eden

Eden,

Tonight I started going through your old clothes to see what we could use for your baby sister ("We-wah"). After spending half an hour digging though 0-3 and 3-6 sized clothes, I took a good long look at you, and I swear if I didn't witness the transformation one day at a time I could hardly believe you're the same person as that tiny baby. I remember holding you with one arm, and now when we cuddle in the rocking chair at night your head is on my chest, your bottom is in my lap, and your legs hang off the side.

Tonight as I sang "You Are My Sunshine" to you, stroking your forehead above your nose in that way I've done a thousand times, you started to fall asleep and I almost lost it staring at your sweet, almost-baby face. I love who you are, right now. And I desperately want to hold onto it, before it slips away. I know the next phase will be amazing too, but I honestly can't imagine that any stage is better than this.

You talk in sentences, and the (most of) things that come out of your little mouth are hilarious and sweet at the same time, if for no other reason than that they come out in that tiny voice like music. You play independently for stretches of time, speaking in a surprisingly understandable narrative as you go. You run and jump and love your rain boots (you put them on yourself!). You're about 98% potty trained (you still have accidents when we don't pay attention to how long it's been since you've been to the potty, or when you get really distracted). You sit in a booster seat at the table and sleep (yes! Thank God, you sleep! Most nights, all night long!) in a big girl bed. (Oh, but we shouldn't call you a big girl - "I not a big girl I EDEN!"). You still love to cuddle sometimes, but you also want to "do it MYSELF" a lot. You have a routine, you know the routine, and you let us know if we've deviated from the routine.

You're full of joy - your eyes light up at the simplest things and I adore that about you. Last weekend we went to a church retreat and you discovered acorns, and when Brennan showed you that the tops come off you thought that was the best thing ever. You learned that Jesus made the acorns, that squirrels ("squaaarts") eat the acorns, and Jesus made the squirrels, and squirrels live in trees, and Jesus made the trees (I didn't even have to tell you that last part - you got it all on your own)! It is so sweet to hear you say "Jesus make acorns"!

One of my favorite looks from you is this quizzical look you get when you're asking a question or something doesn't quite make sense. The other day you noticed a bruise on my leg and you said, "Mommy, you have a boo-boo? You want me clean it?" with that little look. (When I said OK, you ran to your room and came back with your little broom, and proceeded to sweep my leg.)

You are amazed by airplanes. Every time you hear one, your eyebrows go up and your mouth forms a little "o" and you have to stop what you're doing to try to find it. And if we ask where it's going, the answer is always the same (it's also where the squaaarts go when they run away) - Oklahoma ("Hama").

You've grown up so much, and I just can't believe what a beautiful little girl you've become. Sweet Eden, I absolutely love being your mommy. I thank God for you, for the opportunity to be your mother, and I pray for wisdom about how to do that.

I just wanted to let you know I love you, and I think you're pretty amazing.

Love,

Mommy

Apple Picking!

I finally got our pictures developed from our apple picking excursion at the end of September. (That's the bad thing about a film camera - we're so used to instant gratification!)

They were worth the wait, though:

Eden and Bryan walking to find the perfect picking tree...

Eden was SO EXCITED to pick apples. She went to town - she picked a half a peck all by herself. She didn't really care about all of the activities at the farm, she really just wanted to go "APPLE PICKING!! APPLE PICKING!!"


And she very much enjoyed the "fruits" of her labor... (oh yes I'm hi-larious). It was 80 degrees that day - in late September, mind you - so we were all sweaty, but our little head-sweater was particularly soaked.

Cider doughnuts - so yummy.... (sorry it's sideways. I'm too tired to go back and flip it.)


Our family picture attempt didn't go so well, but here you have Missy Moo eating a pumpkin, which is what she did the first time we went to a pumpkin patch (she was 4 months old). So I include it because the reference makes me happy! Please ignore the huge, blindingly pale woman sitting next to those two beautiful people...


This family photo turned out better:


Eden also liked the pumpkins, though she found herself two little pumpkins right away and just carried them around. But I like this picture of her in the pumpkin patch anyway.

When we were finished apple picking, we hung out with Quinn and Kelli at home. And Eden stole some kisses:


And we managed to snap a pretty awesome shot, which I love way more than her school pictures (in which she refused to smile). I might try editing this a little bit and having it printed instead of ordering the school pictures, even though you can see our couch in the background... What do you guys think?


This picture was later that night, but I love her sweet face in it - those beautiful eyes and those lips just like her Daddy's!



Maybe the waiting for the 35mm pictures is sometimes a good thing, because inevitably when we're getting ready to take the camera out we find a half-used roll, and when it is developed it turns out something like this:

(Sweet baby Eden under the tree, Christmas 2008!)

Defining Moment

Please forgive the stream-of-consciousness; I'm tired and ready for a nap but I want to get this down before it fades too much.

I was watching a local TV show this weekend and it had a special about Facebook. It was talking about its history, how it's been used to help people find love, how it can be a marketing gold mine, etc. And there was a woman who was a personal "branding" expert or something talking about how to use it personally. The one thing that she said that stuck out to me (and I think it applies maybe even more to blogs, particularly when, like me, you're not very anonymous and also not password-protected) was to think about what you're writing as being on the front page of the paper. Would you still write it?

It was interesting, and another reminder that nothing you say on the internet is personal or safe from scrutiny, but it also made me think about the content of my own Facebook and blog posts, and while I don't think there's anything particularly damaging on either (I hope there isn't - I try to be very careful!), I also wonder what overall impression people are getting of me based on them.

I've thought a lot about what I want my life to stand for, what my truest priorities are in life. I've tried to define in my mind what I want to define me, what I want people to remember me for when I die (and even more, when I LIVE). And I think I've got a pretty good idea of what it is. But I'm not sure I live my life that way (in fact I'm pretty sure I often live my life the opposite of that), and even when I do live my life that way, I'm not sure my "public" self reflects that.

This morning as I was reading through an old notebook I used to carry around and scribble in occasionally the thought struck me again. The fact is, we are pretty mechanical beings. We output what we input. As an illustration in the notebook says - not sure where it came from - (Amy maybe?) we are like old Polaroid pictures, slowly becoming in the image of what we've spent our time focused on. I think as I become more like the picture I want to be, the more the truths of that picture will spill out of me.

So, in order to make that image of myself visible, it should first define me, meaning, it should be who I am. And in order for it to define me, I must first let it define me. And in order to do that I must focus on it - I must dwell in it. And THAT is what I have been lacking, as shameful as I feel to admit it. So I'm making a commitment today. And putting it in writing.

"I appeal to you therefore, brothers, by the mercies of God, to present your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and acceptable to God, which is your spiritual worship. Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect." Romans 12:1-2.

I want to be transformed. I'm re-committing to focus on the One who should - and who I want to - define my life, by renewing my mind and dwelling in His temple.

From the notebook, written almost exactly two years ago: "How can I repay the Lord for all his goodness to me? I will lift up the cup of salvation and call on the name of the Lord. I will fulfill my vows to the Lord in the presence of all his people." Psalm 116:12-14

Beautiful Night

Tonight was awesome. Just one of those nights I feel so blessed to be right where I am.

Bryan texted me at about 4:30 to say he didn't feel like cooking and thought we should go out to dinner tonight. (Yes, can I just pause to say how awesome it is that my amazing, servant-hearted husband cooks dinner for our family every night? While watching our daughter? Even if he is not going to be eating it with us?) He asked me what I was craving. (Again, awesome, and SO the right thing to say to a pregnant woman!)

We ended up meeting up in Harvard Square for dinner at Wagamamas. It has been a long time since we have done that and it was so nice! We didn't rush, we just hung together, just the three of us. Dinner was yummy of course, and it was the perfect place for a toddler! After dinner we took a walk and enjoyed the warm evening and the hustle and bustle of the Square, and stopped (at Eden's suggestion, of course) for ice cream. We sat outside Peet's and ate it and it was just so relaxing, so nice, so perfect. Reminded me of a time soon after we found out I was pregnant with Eden that we went ambling around the Square, contemplating how our lives were about to change in a big way and not feeling quite sure we were ready for it. We did a little of that tonight too, talking about how things are so perfect right now and we aren't sure how adding another personality to the mix will change things. But we have the benefit of having been through these feelings before and seeing the flip side, and the flip side totally rocks. (usually).

After we got home and got Miss Eden to bed, I sat to work on crocheting Leah's blanket (more on that later), and she started kicking like crazy. Bryan and I watched my belly move with her kicks and I knew that even though life as a family of four (FOUR!) is all a big question mark, I love this little girl so much already and I honestly can't wait for the day I get to stare into her little eyes and welcome her into our family.

Follow-Up at Shriner's

Just wanted to tie up a loose end in case anyone was keeping track. I mentioned a few months ago that we were set to have a surgical consult on September 7 with Eden at Shriner's. That consult got rescheduled to September 14, and we went in fully expecting to schedule a surgery at least for her index finger and middle finger.

What a blessing - we instead were told our little Missy Moo is making excellent progress, and looks MUCH better than she did at her last appointment. They see no reason to rush into surgery right now, because she's not really losing function in her fingers, and the scars are getting softer and softer, slowly but surely. It continues to amaze me that there is so much hope in this situation - God keeps pouring it out on us, day by day, in such unexpected ways!

They did say she will still need surgery on that hand at some point, but just right now, there's no reason to go full steam ahead. We have a follow up appointment in November (they are thinking it might be better for everyone for her to have the surgery before Leah arrives), but we will be seeing a plastic surgeon at that point, which is a step in the right direction from the more acute (not sure if that is the right word...) surgery we were anticipating.

We feel very blessed right now. Just wanted to share. :)

Makes sense to me I guess...

Me (looking at Eden's day sheet from daycare): Wow, you didn't take a nap at all today, did you?

Eden: No, I not take a nap.

Me: Why not?

Eden: 'Cuz I sleep all night, OK?

Edited to add: importantly, she was actually correct about that last point. Last night she slept from 8:30 to 7:30!! Without waking up!! The night before I woke up at 6:30 thinking she'd slept all night - but Bryan told me that at 2:30 she got up, came to HIS SIDE OF THE BED, and so he walked her back to her room, tucked her in, and walked away. Not a peep out of her. This whole sleep training thing is totally working - I'll do a longer post later when I'm convinced it's not a fluke!

One year later

Friday was the first anniversary of our nightmare. Thankfully, most of the day was focused on other things (work, life, and our big news). But Bryan and I both solemnly remembered the occasion. We hugged our precious girl (and each other) a little tighter that morning, and I had to fight to keep it together on my way to work, remembering the commute that terrible day. Even now, after I read through that first blog post and just re-lived that first couple of days, I have tears streaming down my face. I wonder if the memory will ever stop making me ache for her like that. And I just can't let this anniversary pass without comment.

As much as I sit here aching, and as much as it still hurts to remember that awful, awful time, I honestly also see it as a testament to God's faithfulness and care for our daughter. Here we sit, a year later, and she has no memory of that incident. She is aware of the after-effects: she has a hand and arm massage twice a day; I catch her often staring at her hands and clenching and unclenching her fists, deep in concentration, and then rubbing the worst parts of the scars; she feels for heat on things with the backs of her hands instead of the scarred pads of her fingers. BUT. It doesn't bother her. She is still a carefree kid, delightfully unaware of the horror she faced a year ago. And, someday when she does understand what happened, she will never, ever have to carry the memories - we carry those for her. It's just life for her.

In some ways, to me, it feels like yesterday - I can so vividly remember so many of the little details of the day: calling my secretary from the cab, hearing the sirens as I neared my house, calling my coworkers from the ambulance, the horrible-tasting OJ in the ER at Children's after I passed out, the crowd of people around her sterile, metal crib those first moments at Shriner's, our pastor, in sweats and glasses, holding my sobbing husband and praying over our daughter, and countless others. But also in some ways it feels far away - it's all become a part of life, just a routine we deal with, just something we handle. We comment on the progress of her scars without emotion, we carefully make sure she's always slathered with sunscreen so her scars don't get any more pigment, we speculate about the scope of her probably-upcoming surgery as a matter of fact, I commute without fear of the phone ringing, and we live life. And it's OK. We're all OK. And we know we'll continue to get better and better.

I think September 10 is always going to be a difficult day, but it also reminds us of how far we've come and gives us tremendous hope.

Love this sweet girl so much!

It's a GIRL!

We are so excited to announce that our little Peanut is a girl! I will try to update with some precious ultrasound photos later (I couldn't get the scanner to work last night).

Her name is Leah Jordan and she looks absolutely perfect! We love her so much already!

Update: I took a picture of the photo with my phone! Meet our cutie!

Sleep Training

Eden started sleeping "through the night" (7-8 hours at a stretch) at 8 weeks old. Except for the occasional hiccup due to sickness, teething, developmental stuff, or random whatever, she's never looked back. At bedtime would go through the bedtime routine, lay her down drowsy but awake, and for the most part she'd go to sleep pretty easily.

Then, in July, something happened.

We think it was a combination of switching from a crib to a toddler bed, the smoke alarms in her room going off (for no good reason) shortly after that and totally freaking her out, and typical toddler testing, but Eden was no longer sleeping well at all. To get her to stay in bed, we had to either lie down with her or sit next to her and rub her back until she fell asleep. And then, about 3 hours later, she'd be awake again. And then a couple of hours later she'd be awake again. And again. And again. Sometimes she'd just skip the whole going to sleep part in the middle - one night she was awake, and alternately screaming and sobbing for 4 hours. She started rejecting Bryan as well - only Mommy could get her to sleep, unless Mommy was working late.

We were all totally exhausted. Bryan caught a cold just before Montreal (two and a half weeks ago) and he's still fighting the effects. I was a zombie at work - in my first trimester and couldn't focus at all. I would put my head on my desk for half an hour in the afternoon, and other than that I was pretty much daydreaming about sleeping. Oh, those good old days when I could get at least 7 hours at a stretch!! Eden was irritable in the mornings (we'd wake her up at 8:00, floppy little zombie girl) and in the evenings (she was so overtired). She started either refusing to nap at all, or (at daycare) napping a realllly long time (once 4 hours!!).

Bryan and I tried everything we could think of. I'll spare you the details, because then this post would be ridiculously long, but suffice it to say pretty much nothing worked. Especially early on, we'd end up giving in and either sleeping in her room or putting her in our bed. Neither, obviously, was ideal.

So, at a loss, we called in reinforcements.

First, I got some great advice from a sweet friend with a two-year-old who told me she thought (as I suspected) that it was at least partly a discipline problem. That was hard to hear, but awesome to know that someone outside the situation had an idea, and it reinforced the nagging in the back of our minds and steeled us to focus more on discipline, even (and maybe especially) during the day.

And then we made an appointment with a sleep expert who works as a consultant and who - for a small fee which was some of the best money we have ever spent on Eden, no kidding - spoke with us over the phone for an hour and a half about our problems and helped us make an action plan. So, now, we're sleep training our toddler. We both thought the sleep consultant's advice was extremely helpful (and if anyone needs one, email me for her name. I would highly recommend her - she does it over the phone so she could theoretically work with anyone who reads this blog!). Her expert advice for our particular situation, with a lot of science to back it up, basically boiled down to two major points:

• Major point #1: Mommy and Daddy are both Eden's parents, and Eden doesn't get a choice about who puts her to bed or calms her down in the middle of the night. We have to teach her that we both love her, we're both here for her, and she's not the boss. To put that into practice, the person who puts her down and/or goes in at night has to appear totally random to her. A related point is NO RESCUE. If she's frustrated with one, and asks for the other, the answer is sorry honey, too bad. You're safe and loved and cared for with both of us, and you don't call the shots. (Amy gets credit for this point as well).
  
• Major point #2: We're taking a gradual approach (we all agreed in our case it was probably best for everyone) and slowly weaning Eden from each of us at night. This involves basically taking several incremental steps from where we are now to where we used to be, taking a few days at each step (a la Baby Whisperer).

Obviously there is a lot more detail to it than that (she was delightfully specific about how to implement the plan), but these are the basics, and we are really excited to see how it goes. We're motivated and ready to make this happen. Now that we've had a couple of days and nights of rest and rejuvination on our do-nothing vacation on the south shore (more on that later, suffice it to say we didn't have to venture more than 200 feet for anything, including a huge playground and the ocean, and it was awesome), we're more rested and ready than ever. And we love our daughter enough to fight her on this.

So - here we go.

Montreal

We took a mini-vacation last weekend up to Montreal. We drove the 5.5 hour trip in about 6 hours Thursday night, on the idea that the kids (Eden and J&K's adorable little Quinn) would sleep the whole trip. That mostly worked...

We rented an apartment with plenty of space and a kitchen - which I think is the absolute BEST way to travel with a family, and especially with two families. Having breakfast at "home" in our jammies, having multiple rooms, and being able to hang out in a common area after the kids go to bed just simply rocks.
We settled in at about 2:00 am (I think - it was really late) Friday morning and went to bed. Friday we woke up, had breakfast, and headed to the old part of Montreal. The kids did pretty great in the strollers (and looked pretty awesome, I might add...):


We grabbed lunch by the river and sat down in some green space to grub it up. And Bryan and Eden and I took a little walk down by the river to look at the boats:


But the highlight of Old Town for Eden was - without a doubt - the HORSIES! There were horse-drawn carriages EVERYWHERE and Eden was entralled with the horses. So when we walked by them she had to stop and say hello to every.single.horse:

After lunch (and HORSIES!) we walked around a bit, saw a couple of sites (which I was horrible about taking pictures of, mostly because toddler-wrangling proved a bit difficult) and then stopped for some ice cream outside the Notre Dame Bascilica:

(Mommies and strollers, including a belly shot for all you who have been asking)

They had the perfect toddler-sized ice cream cones, which Eden LOVED:
And then she went into full-on "I-AM-TIRED-AND-NOT-IN-MY-COMFORT-ZONE-AND-WHATEVER-YOU-WANT-ME-TO-DO-I-DON'T-WANT-TO-DO-IT" mode, which looks a lot like this:
(This was a familiar sight on the trip...)

And then we headed to the Bascilica:
Eden was in meltdown mode because at a very inopportune time a HORSIE! walked up to the building and she would.not.go.in., so we stayed outside and watched the horse have lunch, and then watched some construction work going on across the plaza. Eden swore they were making "SAND CASTLES" and loved watching the "BIG TRUCKS" dump dirt into big piles. It was fun to watch from her perspective.

For dinner that night John drove Kelli and me to the main drag nearby while Bryan stayed with the little ones, and Kel and I found a cute looking little Italian restaurant. We were remarking about how family-friendly it looked, how maybe we could come back since it was so close to our apartment and eat in. WELL, it turns out the waitress who took our order understood much less English than she let on, an we ended up with an $80.00 bill for two pizzas and two pastas. And a TON of food. WAY more than we asked for. Oh, well. I guess that's what we get for not speaking any French!

The next day we took it easy in the morning, and then drove up to Mont Royal, which was amazing. Bryan carried Eden in the backpack all the way up (I think it's like 200 steps or something - it was a LOT but Bryan was a total trooper!):

And the view from the top was totally worth it:
(I swear we were having fun, despite our expressions...)

And on the way back to the car, Eden stopped to smell some flowers (cutie!!):

And then after a nap, we headed to "the Plateau", the "trendy" (read: way too cool for us) area of the city. Bryan and John wanted to hit up some record stores, and we wanted to check out the "underground city" (a series of connected tunnels with shops, restaurants, hotels, etc. - some say you can live in Montreal and never go outside). It was pretty cool, but unfortunately we got there just as everything was closing (at 6:00? On a Saturday?):
After finally finding a family-friendly restaurant, we were beat, and headed home. On the way we passed an apartment building about two blocks from where we were staying which was surrounded by police cars. Made me a little nervous, but whatever. Then later, I fell asleep early and everyone else was watching the news (the only thing on TV in English at the time) and found out there'd been a shooting in the middle of the day - "no suspects" - yikes! I'm glad I didn't find out until after we got home!

The next day, Sunday, checked out of the apartment and headed to the Plateau to hit up the record stores Bryan and John had wanted to see. It was raining and a little chilly, but that didn't stop us! They were in heaven. (I didn't get any pictures but it was - well - interesting). On the way home we stopped at a farm stand and grabbed some jam and apple butter (yum!) and Eden burned some energy while Quinn had his dinner in the car. Doesn't she look like a little country girl?
(By the way, the French-speaking shirt was purely coincidental).

We stopped in Vermont for dinner, and got a halfway decent family picture at the restaurant, with my yummy baked ziti in the foreground:


So, all in all, other than a few (or maybe more than a few) toddler meltdowns, and the nasty rain, it was a pretty good trip. Great times, great friends, and great memories. Thank you Montreal!

Two Doctor's Appointments

Took the day off today, because we had TWO doctor's appointments - one mid-morning, one mid-afternoon, BOTH downtown, but we had to run back home between. Crazy. It made for an interesting day.

First, we took Eden to Shriner's for what we thought was a routine glove-fitting appointment. As always, her OT took a look at her hands and when we pointed out that a couple of her fingers have started to curve in a little, they brought in a surgeon to take a look. Before we knew it, we were talking about scheduling a surgery either at the end of the month or in September. We ended up deciding to have a final consult September 7 and a surgery later in the month. Almost exactly a year after this whole thing began.

They might do some sort of laser treatment on her arms while she is under, but the primary reason for the surgery is to release the scar on one of her fingers. This is a temporary thing, and she will almost certainly need another graft on her palm, but they think it is probably still too soon to jump into re-grafting right now. So, back to the hospital we go. One year later.

Thinking about this new surgery takes me back to that horrific day, to that horrific first few months after the accident. I know - I KNOW - that she is going to be just fine, that it could have been much worse, that this will all work out for her good in the end, but it doesn't change the fact that it really, really sucks that she has to deal with it at all. And it also sort of stinks that we're going to be dealing with this in September again. Re-living and living at the same time, as I told Bryan. I'm not looking forward to my baby being put to sleep again, having to wake up with that terrible croupy cough, having to be in pain with recovery. I took a few moments this afternoon (in our apartment, by myself) just to cry that out for a bit. Mourning it.

Then, mid-afternoon, we headed out for our first OB appointment. I'm seeing a new OB, so I got to meet her for the first time, and everything I'd heard about her was true. She's at a big hospital but it feels like a small practice. She was right on time for my appointment, and it moved along quite nicely (no excess waiting around in my exam room, etc). That was good thing #1. Good thing #2 was hearing the baby's heartbeat for the first time!! Yay! And given our history with this little one's heart beat, I was a little anxious. But it was perfect and right where it should be.

God knows my heart so well! We got our appointment for our "big" ultrasound - you know, THE ultrasound - and it is scheduled for September 9. Yes, people, that's right. God decided to give us a big fat bright spot right in the middle of that month I'm not looking forward to. A big distraction, the day before the anniversary of the accident. I took a moment this afternoon to cry in thankfulness for that. What a blessing!

All in all, it was a very emotional day. Glad it ended on a high note, looking forward to getting my big girl from daycare and hearing about her day (and hoping - hoping! - that the teacher says she had a SECOND DAY IN A ROW with no accidents at daycare!).

On More Children...

I promised a post a while back about our plan for having more children. The short version is, Bryan and I decided late-ish last year that we were tabling the discussion about having another baby for now. We weren't sure we (collectively) wanted to add to our family - things just work so perfectly for us - but we also weren't sure we wanted to close the door completely. So we decided to wait until Eden was a little bit older - 3, perhaps? - to have that discussion again.

Well, God had other plans.

Yes, folks. I'm pregnant!

I'm 11 weeks tomorrow, though I look about 16 weeks (not kidding). Little Peanut is due January 31, 2011. I've blogged-but-not-published a couple of post about this, so feel free to read up (just scroll down). It's been a bit of a crazy ride already, which I suppose shouldn't be surprising, given the surprising nature of the pregnancy to begin with!

Our first OB appointment is next week, though I've already seen my primary care physician and had two ultrasounds (read the earlier-drafted posts for all of that). I'm excited to hear a heartbeat on Thursday and, beyond that, to get the heck OUT OF THE FIRST TRIMESTER!

Let's just say, it's VERY different being pregnant while working in a demanding job than it was while I was a 3L!! But it's still amazing. I am feeling little movements already (yeah, I know) and just knowing that our little one is growing in there is such a magical feeling.

And, for the record, Bryan wants another girl - but I think it's a boy. And so far I'm 100% on these things. :)

Ugh.

Warning: TMI. But not too-TMI. It's a gratuitous pregnancy-related post. But it's my blog, so I can talk about whatever I want. So there. At least I warned you! :)

So, seriously, I forgot how much the first trimester of pregnancy S.U.C.K.S. And it seems like this pregnancy is harder than the first one. For example:

Nausea: Constant. Nausea. It gets better, it gets waaaay worse, but it is CONSTANT. This is nothing new, but the puking/dry heaving is. It's only happened a couple of times (I know, I should not complain) but it sucks.
Exhaustion: Constant. Exhaustion. Doesn't really get better, especially when working. With Eden I was in school, and I'd just skip class if I was tired. (And I did - often). But I don't have that luxury now, and I feel guilty even leaving work a little early. Plus, I've been super busy. Also with Eden I didn't have a toddler to chase around when I was at home... so that makes a difference.
Constipation: This is new. And very unwelcome. Thankfully I think I've figured out how to beat it, but whew. The first few weeks were not fun.
Getting fat: with Eden I lost 5 lbs in the first trimester, and I was worried about it. But I found those 5 lbs. And I'm three weeks away from the end of the first trimester! (Of course, I started out a lot smaller than I was when I got pregnant with Eden - I am still not at my end-of-first-trimester weight...) With the weight gain and the bloating, I started getting a little pooch way sooner. Took a picture at 7.5 weeks - and it looked like this. Le sigh.

OK, enough complaining. Really, in spite of all of this negative stuff, I sometimes get lost in the magic of it all. There is a prune-sized person inside of me. And I really do love that. As much as the pooch is a little frightening, I also love knowing that is my baby in there making itself known.

And the whole second-pregnancy thing has its advantages: I'm not freaking out about every little thing, I don't have to google every little thing, and ... drumroll .... I think I might have felt the first little movement? Yesterday morning I was lying in bed, still and quiet but awake (Eden was in bed with us, playing on her "phone"). All of a sudden, very light, barely there, I felt a flutter. And another. It was too light to be gas, too deep to be a muscle spasm or something. It seems crazy, because it's so early (9 weeks?). I felt Eden move for the first time at 15 weeks. Maybe I'm feeling movement sooner this time because my uterus is tilted forward (according to my PCP) and I know better what I am feeling for? Or maybe I'm crazy?

Anyway... That's the story. Whew. It's nice to get all that out. Thanks for listening. :)

Surprise...

I'm holding out on you, Internet. About something kind of big. Well, it's kind of small right now, I guess, but pretty life-changing. And even though I'm writing this down right now, I am going to wait a while to publish it, so I'm still going to be holding out on you. But here it goes:

So, notwithstanding Bryan's and my decision to put off having another child or at least wait another year or more, it appears I am pregnant. Well, more than appears. I am pregnant. How did this happen? Well, you'll have to ask your mother for that answer. But here is the story of how I knew and how we feel about it. (Sorry for the long post, bear with me - I wanted to get this all down before I lose the details):

Let's just say our birth control method made it very clear that there was a chance I might be pregnant, right away. But we'd been here many times before and obviously things turned out differently, so while we were aware of the possibility and certainly careful (avoiding that glass of wine with dinner, etc) I knew that there was only - at most - a 20% chance. And given that we affirmatively tried for nine months with Miss Eden, I was pretty sure I wasn't pregnant. But then, one Friday at work, I had to go to the bathroom literally every hour. And then - this is the kicker - I was craving mint gum (I HATE MINT GUM!). That made me really suspicious. The next day I bought a test, even though I wasn't yet late, and decided (stupidly) to take it during Eden's nap, while Bryan was away from home working. When I saw it was positive I started to freak out a little bit. I was shaking and barely holding it together as I called Bryan and asked him to come home. He could tell something was up, I was crying a little bit, and he said, "Did you take a test?". Um, yes. He knew right away.

He came home, we started to talk about all the positive things about this (and there are many - the timing is actually really great for spacing, maternity leave, Bryan's hopeful future job, etc and at least that talk is over) and we started to feel better.

We told J&K that night (we were having dinner together anyway). I told Kel I'd found out about someone at church that was preggo and made her guess who. After being assured it was OK for me to spill the beans on this person, she and John spent about 10 minutes guessing and guessing, incorrectly. I told them it was a second baby and then they spent the next 5 minutes guessing and guessing incorrectly, the same people over and over. Finally I told them the person *might* be in the room and they freaked out. It was awesome.

I had my first doctor's appointment (with my PCP - we didn't even have an OB because with Eden I saw the student center practice and wasn't totally impressed) on June 4, and the doc said I was measuring big - once we confirmed that it was extremely unlikely I had the dates wrong, he thought it might be (i) my super-stretchy uterus from having an 8lb 10oz baby two years ago; (ii) twins; or (iii) something else which we didn't even want to discuss. So I was scheduled for an ultrasound on June 7 to confirm dates and number. I was exactly 6 weeks at that point. That ultrasound revealed one little peanut, and we saw a sweet little heartbeat, so we were getting pretty relaxed. And then the doctor called back and said the baby's heart rate was a little slower than they'd like to see. We were scheduled for another ultrasound on Friday, June 11. This meant 4 days of nervous waiting.

The second ultrasound showed a nice strong heartbeat, right in the range they'd like to see (they want it to be over 100, the first one was 95, this one was 118). This means the prognosis is very good; if this had been the first ultrasound it would have been no problem. The whole experience was a little terrifying, but in a weird way it was good - facing something like that made us (at least me) realize I wanted this baby. THIS baby. And it knit Bryan and me together on this subject, made us lean on each other. We are at our best when we are on the same side in some adversity (maybe that's how we're designed, maybe it's also from our days at the pizza joint - us versus the million orders at once on a Friday night), and this was no exception.

Given my over-planning nature and the very unplanned nature of this pregnancy, I think we can all rest assured this is God's gift to us (not that Eden wasn't, of course...). Funny story, (maybe TMI, but whatever) I had a dream a few weeks before Mother's Day that Bryan's gift to me was him telling me he wanted to have another baby. It just so happened that Bryan did not actually give me that as a gift but, um, Mother's Day turned out to be the most pivotal day in the whole deal.

Like I said, we're getting used to the idea. We talk about the baby, we are trying to come up with possible names, we are telling our family and closest friends, and we are making plans for our lives for after the big day.

Which, by the way, is scheduled for sometime around January 31, 2011.

You're Two!!

Sweet Eden,

I can't believe how quickly the last two years have gone. But at the same time, it almost seems like you've been this fun and independent since the very beginning.

You have grown into a full-fledged toddler. You are constantly exploring, figuring things out (most recently, how to get your head (but not your arms) out of your night shirt) and learning new words! We really understand most of what you say now, even if some of your "words" are your own special language. You call any smallish, roundish fruit a "boobay" (blueberry) and - maybe my favorite - you call the vacuum cleaner a "back-a-roon". Other times, though, it is very clear what you're saying, like a couple of Sundays ago on the way to church when you very excitedly said, "Mama! Look! A bicycle!" You're also talking in simple sentences much of the time now, like a few days ago when you woke up and said "I want to ride bus", or yesterday in the midst of potty training when you said "Mama I pee couch".

You're learning the polite little phrases we say - you are surprisingly good at saying "thank you" (we very rarely have to prompt you) and pretty good at "please." Occasionally we will hear "'cuse me", but my favorite is "bless you" after someone sneezes (we didn't even teach you that - you picked it up on your own!).

You love to read books, and your current favorite is "Mr. Brown can Moo - Can You?" - you know every sound and point at all the pictures and name the objects. Recently when you get to the last page you say "How about you?"

You are obsessed with babies. You love to put your dolls to sleep. You will pick a doll up and pat its back, make a "shhhh" sound, and then cradle it, sing "Sunshine.... Happy.... Gray.... Yuh You.... A-WAY" and then lay it in its bed, cover with a blanket, and say "night-night."

You also love Nino, our cat. You ask at least three times a day to give him a "treat" and you have to give it to him in the same spot on the corner of the living room rug every time. He thinks it's a pretty good deal, except he has to wait forever to get the treat until the circumstances are just so.

You have your favorite people, who all we have to do is mention and you start going crazy. Of course, one is "Bubba", who has been a favorite for a LONG time. I love seeing you see him - your eyes light up and you never run faster than when you're running into his arms! He is six years older than you, and calls you his little princess. It's adorable how much you love each other! You also adore his older sister Hannah, and we can't talk about one of them without the other. Our new downstairs neighbors have a little boy you call "Baby" and you love his daddy "Dim" (Jimmy). You also find literally hours of enjoyment each day in standing at the window, looking out, and yelling at Bob, our next door neighbor - "Hi Bob! Hi Bob! Hi Bob!" (Also favorite - but not real: Caillou ("I want watch Caillou") and Elmo).

We gave you my old iPod Touch with a bunch of toddler apps on it, and you have that thing figured out. You can turn it on and off, start and stop apps, and play pretty much all the games without help (this is really great when you wake up at 5:30 am ready to play and Daddy and I are still sleepy - we can put you in our bed, give you your "phone" and you're good to go for another 30-45 minutes).

There are so many amazing things you do, so many things you love, I could sit here all day and not even list them all. Suffice it to say, you are incredibly fun and it just keeps getting better and better. We love just watching you interact with the world, and, as I always say, we can't wait to see what is next.

Love you Little Missy!

Mommy


P.S. This morning you went diaper-free for 6 hours. With ZERO accidents. Way to go, big girl!

9 Years

It's hard to believe we've been married almost a decade.

But at the same time, I can't imagine life without you.

We have grown up together, literally, in the past nine years. And we're still doing it. We're not even close to the same people as those two crazy eighteen-year-olds clinging together against the world.

But you still give me butterflies, I still get lost in those beautiful brown eyes, and I still adore you. And even better, you've shown me a million more sides of you to love. And I'd marry you again in a heartbeat.

Thank you for the last 1/3 of my life, Love.

The Perfect Weekend

So... I've been a little bit of a Debbie Downer lately, huh?

Sorry about that.

It turns out, I write better when I'm a little down. And I feel the need to write more when I'm a little down. But those were two slightly melancholy moments in a very happy few weeks. And just to prove I can be chipper, here's an account of The Best Weekend Ever.

We didn't have anything scheduled all day Saturday. Right, you heard me, nothing on our agenda (OK, Bryan had to run a couple of quick errands... but it was fine - I'll get to that.)

We started the awesomeness by waking up a little later than normal - 7:30ish - and taking our time getting up and ready. Around 10:15 we headed to the park. It was 70 degrees and sunny! Spring!! But Eden scoffed at the cute little white, wide-brim sunhat I had for her. Nope, she wanted to wear her winter hat:

We had an awesome time at the park; it's been quite a while since I've been able to go with Bryan and Eden to the park, so it was really fun for me to get to push her on the swings and catch her at the bottom of the slides! We ran around like crazy, and worked up an apetite for our yummy sushi lunch. Eden tried some California Roll and loved it! Bryan remarked we have a little yuppy baby on our hands. ;)

After lunch, we hit the slides a few more times and then drove home so Little Missy could have a nap. Bryan went to run some errands for work, and I watched a girlie movie while she slept (Practical Magic - and now I've got that song stuck in my head - you know the one, "Put the lime in the coconut, drink 'em both up..."). Eden woke up, Bryan got home, and the movie ended all in perfect timing... ahh.... and we headed out again.

Our local ice cream shop is shutting its doors and moving to the town center, so we had to walk there one last time to partake in the yumminess! I had to go full-on, since it was the end of the road, so I got a sundae. Yumm!!

Then we headed home and had a delish steak dinner with our downstairs neighbor and our landlord (who is also our downstairs-downstairs neighbor) to say goodbye. Downstairs neighbor is moving out at the end of the week! We are sad to see her go - she is super nice - but we are excited about the new neighbors too - they are about our age, from Oklahoma (who knew?), and have a little boy two weeks younger than Eden. So awesome. Also, I think they're Republican. :)

End of the day: in bed before 10. NICE.

Sunday Bryan didn't have to be to church as early as normal because he wasn't playing drums, so we were able to drive there together. Which means the morning went much more smoothly than normal because there were two of us getting Little Missy ready.

The service was nice; the sermon (you can download it from the church's website or search iTunes for "Hope Fellowship Church") sparked a long conversation between Bryan and me (well, sparked the continuation of a conversation we've had off and on for about two and a half years) about our decision to stay here, to not move to Portland to start a church with J&B. I'd tried to get a job there, but to no avail. Turns out they didn't want to hire a 3L from Oklahoma who went to school on the east coast and spent the summer at a Boston firm but wanted to move to Portland so she and her husband could help start a CHURCH. Goodness, I can't imagine why. But that left us with no certain income, with a baby on the way, and knowing only a few people. The rational, responsible minds in us couldn't justify moving across the country under those circumstances. So we decided to stay. And we are glad we did - we still believe we made the right decision. BUT. When we talk about people like Nehemiah who took big risks and faced serious adversity for God's work, it makes us question our reasoning. We don't believe that we should take risk for the sake of taking risk, and we believe we were honestly trying to discern God's will in that situation and make the right choice in an agonizing decision, and, again, we believe we ended up right where we're supposed to be, but I wonder whether we made the choice for the right reasons. Curtis also mentioned in his sermon, though, that God needs people in Boston too! People to plant themselves here, to grow deep roots, and love this city in His Name! And we are doing that, joyfully. That makes us feel a lot better.

Anyway, after church Eden and I headed home, while Bryan worked, and she took a nap while I watched Mulan (I had never seen it, and it was interesting... I was sort of conflicted about its message...). Eden woke up, and out we went again for a little shopping trip (Friends and Family week at Gap ended yesterday and we had to take advantage!). Eden was rockin' the shades again, and looking like a twenty-two year old:

She was awesome at the mall. Total angel. Stayed in the stroller, chatted away but didn't scream once. Of course, the five pounds of Cheerios and four slices of apple helped.

After that, Bryan headed back to work (church) and we Skyped with my parents. And I got to see my little brother, who is back stateside from Japan!! Yipee! He's moving up to the northeast very soon - I'm excited about that! Eden was a little crazy on Skype - she had a lot of energy after being such an angel at the mall. But she sat down long enough to have a tea party with Grandpa, which he loved:

Inspired by Lag Liv and others, I tried baking a spaghetti squash for the first time. I must say, it was yummy! I roasted it whole at 400 degrees for 50 minutes, and it was a little crunchy. I think I could probably get it softer if I cut it in half first, but I kind of liked it crunchy. I went easy on the toppings, just a little dried basil, some lemon juice, and asiago (oh how I love asiago). It was pretty good:

Eden ate a little, but turned up her nose after a little bit and asked for "Os" (surprising, I know, since she already ate 5 pounds at the mall, but whatever). I gave her some Os with milk, and she downed three bowls. Including drinking the milk like a champ:

Bryan got home just as Eden was coming out of the bathtub, Eden went down super easy, and I was in bed again before 10! Yipee!

Woke up this morning refreshed and ready to face the week, despite the cold I am valiantly battling, my super-sore shoulder (from an H1N1 vaccination... four weeks ago... more on that later, maybe...), and the twenty-degrees cooler weather. It's amazing what a great weekend can do.