And my heart is so happy.
Dear Eva (12 Years)
1 year ago
Sunday, March 25, 2012
Monday, March 19, 2012
Flying Solo, Update
It's Monday morning. We survived the weekend without Bryan at home, and while we all miss him terribly, we did ok.
I have this "Today I Feel" magnet on the fridge with all kinds of emotions depicted and Eden and I often play with it. Last night she was looking at it intently and said, "Mommy, do you have 'Miss' on that thing?" She is having a bit of a hard time with Daddy being gone, but she has been FANTASTIC. Seriously, fantastic. There have only been a couple of moments that I've had to talk her off the edge of a meltdown. And she's responded right away. She's been great help with Leah, and she's just been so much fun herself. But at night she gets sad, she wants her Daddy. I let her sleep in my bed (on Daddy's pillow) for the first couple of nights. The first night she was such a little diva: "There needs to be a fan in here..." and after I turned on the fan, "I can barely hear it. It's TERRIBLE down here!" Tonight she's back in her own bed, she knows that.
We went to the park yesterday - it was 80 degrees or something. Almost hot on the playground.
They had so much fun. :)
Then we headed home, I cooked dinner (tried a new recipe even!) and Eden, in her infinite helpfulness, decided to take a bath with her sister (she pretty much never does that). I got Leah off to bed and then Eden and I put together the girls' lunches and watched some VeggieTales and then hit the hay ourselves. I was asleep by 10. I think the last couple of days wore me out. :)
Now the real test starts: workweek solo-ing. It's about to get real.
I have this "Today I Feel" magnet on the fridge with all kinds of emotions depicted and Eden and I often play with it. Last night she was looking at it intently and said, "Mommy, do you have 'Miss' on that thing?" She is having a bit of a hard time with Daddy being gone, but she has been FANTASTIC. Seriously, fantastic. There have only been a couple of moments that I've had to talk her off the edge of a meltdown. And she's responded right away. She's been great help with Leah, and she's just been so much fun herself. But at night she gets sad, she wants her Daddy. I let her sleep in my bed (on Daddy's pillow) for the first couple of nights. The first night she was such a little diva: "There needs to be a fan in here..." and after I turned on the fan, "I can barely hear it. It's TERRIBLE down here!" Tonight she's back in her own bed, she knows that.
We went to the park yesterday - it was 80 degrees or something. Almost hot on the playground.
They had so much fun. :)
Then we headed home, I cooked dinner (tried a new recipe even!) and Eden, in her infinite helpfulness, decided to take a bath with her sister (she pretty much never does that). I got Leah off to bed and then Eden and I put together the girls' lunches and watched some VeggieTales and then hit the hay ourselves. I was asleep by 10. I think the last couple of days wore me out. :)
Now the real test starts: workweek solo-ing. It's about to get real.
Saturday, March 17, 2012
Flying Solo
I'm sitting in my bed, half snuggled under the covers, with my sweet cuddily big girl snoozing next to me.
I can't sleep.
My other half is halfway across the country.
It's a testament to his character, actually, because he HATES to fly, he's never flown without me, and he volunteered to chaperone a service trip with 11 kids to New Orleans, a place he's never been.
I kind of feel like I should be able to be alone for seven nights without getting all sad and insomniac about it. But whatever. Bryan and I have grown up together, and we've never been apart this long before. And we've never been this far apart before.
I miss him.
Plus, there's that whole solo parenting thing, which terrifies me a little bit, even if it's just for a week!
But mostly, right now, I just wish I could sleep.
I can't sleep.
My other half is halfway across the country.
It's a testament to his character, actually, because he HATES to fly, he's never flown without me, and he volunteered to chaperone a service trip with 11 kids to New Orleans, a place he's never been.
I kind of feel like I should be able to be alone for seven nights without getting all sad and insomniac about it. But whatever. Bryan and I have grown up together, and we've never been apart this long before. And we've never been this far apart before.
I miss him.
Plus, there's that whole solo parenting thing, which terrifies me a little bit, even if it's just for a week!
But mostly, right now, I just wish I could sleep.
Wednesday, March 14, 2012
Balance - Restored.
I've been struggling a bit in the "balance" department. Which is a nice way of saying, work has been a bit... frustrating lately.
This has led to some serious soul searching and thinking about the things I want out of a job, the things I want out of my career, and what on those lists I'm willing to compromise. Ultimately the most important thing to me was to be able to be there for my family, physically present, every day. And I realized that the part of this job I hated the most - the part that made it seem unbearable - was the schedule; I was missing Leah awake more often than not, and when I did see the girls, on a day I got home on the early side, they were eating, then bathing, then going to bed. I never had time to just PLAY with them during the week, to just BE with them, even though I often had a few hours at night all to myself, while Bryan was working, lesson planning or writing exams or grading papers.
Cue divine intervention. I had lunch with a female partner at my firm two weeks ago. I'd been intending to get together with her and then she was profiled by the firm's women's initative, it was the kick in the pants I needed to send her an email (her office is literally 15 feet from mine, but we are in completely different practice areas and I almost never see her in the office). I spoke with her about her career path - she has three children and made partner while on maternity leave with her third (ten years ago) - and she strongly encouraged me to try proposing an alternative work schedule that would allow me to spend more time with my family. I'd never really seriously considered it. To me, "alternative" means "part time" and I hesitate to do that for a million reasons. She suggested thinking of the ideal situation, even if it's just an accommodation for how and when and where I work, if not how much, and just asking for it - what's the worst that could happen? They say no and you keep doing what you're doing? That REALLY resonated with me. And I realized that if I got this schedule thing worked out, I think I could actually be happy with this job for the long term.
I spent the weekend talking with Bryan, praying about how to structure this, thinking creatively about what would be best for all of us, making lists, crunching numbers, pondering possible objections. We decided I would propose to the people for whom I work that I would work from 8:30 or 9:00 to 4:00 or 4:30 at the office, and then work a few (2, 3, 4, 6, whatever) hours from home in the evening after the kids go to bed. I would stay full time, and therefore keep my current salary. Obviously this would be flexible, able to adapt to workflow needs, but the default would be that I start gathering my things at 4:00 unless something was keeping me in the office.
Then last week - after steeling myself with prayer - I had the conversation with the partners in my group and they AGREED to my proposal. At least for now, on a trial basis. They all understood where I was coming from and they were mostly encouraging, even if they weren't all completely optimistic that it would actually work out (OK, one wasn't - but I am working extra hard on convincing him that I can still be a crackerjack associate even if my 4:00-6:00+ work is shifted to 8:30-10:30+).
It has been a week, and it has been FANTASTIC. I feel like every day is Friday. I've managed to keep everyone happy at the office, to leave before 5 most days (and be home by 5:30 most days!), and to spend some real quality time with Bryan and my girls awake! And the weather has been beautiful too - we've been on walks, I've been pushed around in a tricycle, we've eaten dinner on the patio. Eden and I have played Play-Doh and had long beautiful talks while we snuggle on the couch and I stroke her long, beautiful hair and stare at her sweet face. Leah has walked blocks and blocks holding my finger, and I've taught her Itsy Bitsy Spider and how to point to her nose and her belly. And sometimes her feet. Bryan and I have had CONVERSATIONS. Real, honest CONVERSATIONS. We've cooked together, tag-teaming watching the girls and laughing and stealing kisses in the kitchen.
It makes me cry just thinking about all of the moments I've had over the last week that I would have otherwise missed. Had I not just ASKED.
I'm not sure whether this will have long term effects on my career. But I don't care. My babies are only little once, there is only one today, and I am going to seize this opportunity.
(Eden singing Leah a song before bed - not from the last week, but SO SWEET, right?)
This has led to some serious soul searching and thinking about the things I want out of a job, the things I want out of my career, and what on those lists I'm willing to compromise. Ultimately the most important thing to me was to be able to be there for my family, physically present, every day. And I realized that the part of this job I hated the most - the part that made it seem unbearable - was the schedule; I was missing Leah awake more often than not, and when I did see the girls, on a day I got home on the early side, they were eating, then bathing, then going to bed. I never had time to just PLAY with them during the week, to just BE with them, even though I often had a few hours at night all to myself, while Bryan was working, lesson planning or writing exams or grading papers.
Cue divine intervention. I had lunch with a female partner at my firm two weeks ago. I'd been intending to get together with her and then she was profiled by the firm's women's initative, it was the kick in the pants I needed to send her an email (her office is literally 15 feet from mine, but we are in completely different practice areas and I almost never see her in the office). I spoke with her about her career path - she has three children and made partner while on maternity leave with her third (ten years ago) - and she strongly encouraged me to try proposing an alternative work schedule that would allow me to spend more time with my family. I'd never really seriously considered it. To me, "alternative" means "part time" and I hesitate to do that for a million reasons. She suggested thinking of the ideal situation, even if it's just an accommodation for how and when and where I work, if not how much, and just asking for it - what's the worst that could happen? They say no and you keep doing what you're doing? That REALLY resonated with me. And I realized that if I got this schedule thing worked out, I think I could actually be happy with this job for the long term.
I spent the weekend talking with Bryan, praying about how to structure this, thinking creatively about what would be best for all of us, making lists, crunching numbers, pondering possible objections. We decided I would propose to the people for whom I work that I would work from 8:30 or 9:00 to 4:00 or 4:30 at the office, and then work a few (2, 3, 4, 6, whatever) hours from home in the evening after the kids go to bed. I would stay full time, and therefore keep my current salary. Obviously this would be flexible, able to adapt to workflow needs, but the default would be that I start gathering my things at 4:00 unless something was keeping me in the office.
Then last week - after steeling myself with prayer - I had the conversation with the partners in my group and they AGREED to my proposal. At least for now, on a trial basis. They all understood where I was coming from and they were mostly encouraging, even if they weren't all completely optimistic that it would actually work out (OK, one wasn't - but I am working extra hard on convincing him that I can still be a crackerjack associate even if my 4:00-6:00+ work is shifted to 8:30-10:30+).
It has been a week, and it has been FANTASTIC. I feel like every day is Friday. I've managed to keep everyone happy at the office, to leave before 5 most days (and be home by 5:30 most days!), and to spend some real quality time with Bryan and my girls awake! And the weather has been beautiful too - we've been on walks, I've been pushed around in a tricycle, we've eaten dinner on the patio. Eden and I have played Play-Doh and had long beautiful talks while we snuggle on the couch and I stroke her long, beautiful hair and stare at her sweet face. Leah has walked blocks and blocks holding my finger, and I've taught her Itsy Bitsy Spider and how to point to her nose and her belly. And sometimes her feet. Bryan and I have had CONVERSATIONS. Real, honest CONVERSATIONS. We've cooked together, tag-teaming watching the girls and laughing and stealing kisses in the kitchen.
It makes me cry just thinking about all of the moments I've had over the last week that I would have otherwise missed. Had I not just ASKED.
I'm not sure whether this will have long term effects on my career. But I don't care. My babies are only little once, there is only one today, and I am going to seize this opportunity.
(Eden singing Leah a song before bed - not from the last week, but SO SWEET, right?)
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