Defining Moment

Please forgive the stream-of-consciousness; I'm tired and ready for a nap but I want to get this down before it fades too much.

I was watching a local TV show this weekend and it had a special about Facebook. It was talking about its history, how it's been used to help people find love, how it can be a marketing gold mine, etc. And there was a woman who was a personal "branding" expert or something talking about how to use it personally. The one thing that she said that stuck out to me (and I think it applies maybe even more to blogs, particularly when, like me, you're not very anonymous and also not password-protected) was to think about what you're writing as being on the front page of the paper. Would you still write it?

It was interesting, and another reminder that nothing you say on the internet is personal or safe from scrutiny, but it also made me think about the content of my own Facebook and blog posts, and while I don't think there's anything particularly damaging on either (I hope there isn't - I try to be very careful!), I also wonder what overall impression people are getting of me based on them.

I've thought a lot about what I want my life to stand for, what my truest priorities are in life. I've tried to define in my mind what I want to define me, what I want people to remember me for when I die (and even more, when I LIVE). And I think I've got a pretty good idea of what it is. But I'm not sure I live my life that way (in fact I'm pretty sure I often live my life the opposite of that), and even when I do live my life that way, I'm not sure my "public" self reflects that.

This morning as I was reading through an old notebook I used to carry around and scribble in occasionally the thought struck me again. The fact is, we are pretty mechanical beings. We output what we input. As an illustration in the notebook says - not sure where it came from - (Amy maybe?) we are like old Polaroid pictures, slowly becoming in the image of what we've spent our time focused on. I think as I become more like the picture I want to be, the more the truths of that picture will spill out of me.

So, in order to make that image of myself visible, it should first define me, meaning, it should be who I am. And in order for it to define me, I must first let it define me. And in order to do that I must focus on it - I must dwell in it. And THAT is what I have been lacking, as shameful as I feel to admit it. So I'm making a commitment today. And putting it in writing.

"I appeal to you therefore, brothers, by the mercies of God, to present your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and acceptable to God, which is your spiritual worship. Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect." Romans 12:1-2.

I want to be transformed. I'm re-committing to focus on the One who should - and who I want to - define my life, by renewing my mind and dwelling in His temple.

From the notebook, written almost exactly two years ago: "How can I repay the Lord for all his goodness to me? I will lift up the cup of salvation and call on the name of the Lord. I will fulfill my vows to the Lord in the presence of all his people." Psalm 116:12-14