It's over.

On Monday my city was attacked.

On Wednesday I watched as the federal courthouse was evacuated for a bomb threat, literally right outside my office window.

On Friday Bryan and I woke to the news that we were on lockdown, that one suspect had been killed and police were searching for the other IN OUR TOWN. 1.5 miles FROM OUR HOUSE. We stayed inside all day, beautiful weather outside notwithstanding, windows and doors shut and locked against whatever evil may be lurking outside, kids restless, trying to stay informed while trying to shield them from what was happening.

And then we found out that the two suspects lived just a couple of blocks from the place we lived in while we were in graduate school. They went to high school just down the street from there, in our direction.

When the police gave the all clear, we - along with a few neighbors - went outside to get some air. And then we heard helicopters. And then someone from across the street told us we should go back inside, that there were shots fired again. And we hunkered down, terrified again, watching the news, until we rejoiced with our town, with our city, with our country, that he was caught.

It goes without saying - but we will certainly say it anyway - that we are incredibly thankful for the law enforcement officials who worked tirelessly to find these guys, to neutralize them. And we are incredibly heartbroken for the loss of life, injuries, and fear that these two men caused.

There is a jumble of emotion inside me at this moment - relief, sadness, anger, fear, thankfulness. But I don't think I could put it into words right now even if I tried.

Right now I am trying to focus on what I know to be true - that even though we are weak, as Eden so aptly put it today: "Nothing can hurt God. Even if a balloon pops in his nose!!"

Distracted.

Despite the mountain of work on my desk, I can't seem to focus.

I keep re-hearing the sirens outside my window.

I was nowhere near the finish line, but I was downtown, at work, feeling trapped and unsure of what was happening - was I safe? how would I get home? when could I leave? is this even real? this is my city! why?

There's so much to say, most of it already said, but I sit here trying to focus on revising documents and passing diligence information back and forth and it all seems so useless. So insignificant.

Last night I got a ride home (I wasn't sure if my bus was running and even if it was I'm sure it would have taken forever, because traffic was being re-routed all over the place) and had dinner with my family, grateful for the opportunity to do so, and then after the kids were in bed Bryan and I sat down to watch some of the news coverage. And I promptly fell asleep. It was that hard, hard sleep too, where even if you come out of it a bit you can't stay awake. Apparently I folded two baskets of laundry last night, but I barely remember it. I think my body wanted to release the stress, to relax after several hours of being clenched in anxiety, fear, disbelief.

And I dreamed of running, being chased by a bad man, knowing he was going to overtake me, that I was never going to make it home, and aching for my family's pain.

I know there is good. I know God is bigger. I am thankful for my friends in the medical tent that day, safe from the explosion but skillfully helping those who needed it, and for all of the others who ran toward the smoke, toward the blood donation centers.

But still. I feel a little broken, a little sad, and very distracted.

Shoes for Shriners!!

Last week Eden had her annual follow-up visit at Shriner's Hospital in Boston.  Thankfully, she's not headed for any follow-up surgeries this year, and she doesn't have to be seen until next March. Interestingly, the technology has been advancing in the meantime, so the surgery may be far less invasive when it does happen (hooray for lasers!)

An invitation.
We, as a family, and perhaps especially Eden, have decided it is time for us to give back to this place, which has been so important to us over the last few years. And we would love to give you the opportunity to join us in it as well. We are going to purchase and donate sneakers for the hospital to give to children who come to Shriner's for care from all over the world who need them! Eden is very excited, and has already counted all of the money in her piggy bank (which is full of change she's been collecting since she was a peanut-sized ball in her Mommy's belly) and is determined to buy sneakers "to show the kids at Shriner's that we love them" with her $44.62! We have promised to donate some shoes to her cause, and to ask our friends if they'd be interested to help as well!

How can you help?

If you would like to be a part of our first annual "Shoes for Shriner's" drive, there are two ways you can help:

1. Purchase sneakers in any size from toddler size 7 up (all the way to adult sizes!) and get them to us by May 4 (let me know if you'd like to mail them and I'll get you our address - we're thinking about setting something up on Amazon too so it can automatically ship to us, if there is interest; we would also be happy to pick them up if you're local)
and/or

2. Donate funds which we will use to buy sneakers when we do our family's shoe run, and get them to us by May 2 (we are planning the family shoe run for May 4 or 5). I have a paypal account that can be used for this purpose; feel free to reach out if you'd like the info!

We are planning to deliver the shoes to Shriner's sometime during the first full week in May.

Thank you for considering this cause! If you would like to know more background about why we are involved with Shriner's (and for some never-before-seen pictures), read on. But most of you know this story, so I wanted to make sure we got to the point first!

Why Shriner's? Eden's Story (see also here for the full story, which I still cannot read in full without crying, and the following few entries for the aftermath)

On September 10, 2009, when Eden was just 15 months old, her hands, forearms, and forehead were badly burned on the hot glass covering the gas fireplace in our apartment. She was rushed to Children's Hospital in Boston, and then transferred to Shriner's within hours of her injury. We stayed at Shriner's for just under a week, and then took her home, returning daily for dressing changes. 

Smiling sweetie, after we settled in at the hospital.

 

Playing with her Daddy

Snuggling Mommy

Sleeping beauties

 Eleven days after her injury, she was in the operating room, where one of the country's best plastic surgeons grafted healthy skin from her chubby little thigh onto her forearms, palms, fingertips, and forehead.

About to head to surgery - I always find it odd that we are smiling so big in this picture.

 

Post-surgery, she was so sleepy

Eden's accident was one of the most difficult things - probably the most difficult thing - we have faced as a family, but we were also immeasurably blessed in the midst of it all; we know it could have easily been so much worse.

Once she woke up, she was incredibly loopy. We played Radiohead for Babies (given to us by Shriner's), very appropriate.

Shriner's is an amazing place. We could talk for hours about all of the things that the people of Shriner's - from doctors to nurses to OTs to the incredibly nice woman who cleaned Eden's room every day - did to make the experience the best it could have possibly been, but suffice it to say that, literally, from the minute we walked through the door, we (all three of us) felt respected, supported, and cared for, both physically and emotionally.

Getting some fresh air in the hospital's outdoor playspace

People come from all over the world to be seen at this hospital, and for good reason; the care is phenomenal. What's more, Shriner's does not charge its patients a penny. Not a penny, whether they could afford it or not. They only recently began accepting payments from insurance.

We got her some Argyle socks and a floppy hat to cover her bandages. Stylin'.

One of the beautiful things about this place is that they are committed to making patients - and their families - comfortable while they are at the hospital, and providing tangible goods to make the stay easier. Within twenty-four hours of our arrival we were given a bag with toys, some regular clothing, and a handmade blanket (which Eden still sleeps with every day at daycare). We didn't know we "needed" these things, but the level of care and thought that they represented literally brought us to tears.

Playing with some of her toys in the hospital with a friend.

Shriner's gets donations from many places, and they thankfully always have plenty of toys. But the one thing they always need is shoes. We see this need as an opportunity for our family (and hopefully some of you!) to serve a place that does so much good, that has done so much good for us in particular, and to help them serve and bless others as they did us not so long ago. We are all very excited about this opportunity, and we hope you'll join us! But if you can't swing it this year, no sweat, we understand! We plan to make this an annual tradition, so there will be more chances.

Thank you for your time - and if you've made it all the way through this epic post, KUDOS just for reading! And please, feel free to forward to others you think might be interested in helping, or link to from your own blog.

Our sweet girl now.

Some of my favorite Leah-isms

My baby is growing up so fast. Exhibit A:

Exhibit B:

In an attempt to remember the aborable-ness that is Leah at 2 years, 2 months, I jotted down some of our favorite Leah-isms. She's learning so much so fast, it's hard to keep up - but she continues to be probably the happiest 2 year old I've ever known. So much JOY exudes from her, you can't help but smile when she's around!


Snapshots of Munchie's day:

"Good morning, Mommy!! Hug!"
"I no yike it" / "I YIKE it this!!"
"Daddy poops. Cows poops. Table poops. Everysbodies poops."
"Everybody done? Daddy done? Mommy done? Deedee done?" (when she's finished eating)
"Huh-RAAAAAAYYYYY!"
"Woooooowwwwww" (almost whispered, in awe at the sunset)
"Pizza Daaaaay!"
"Daddy Daaaaay!"
"Sowwy Mommy/Daddy/Deedee"
"Sssssss baby seepin"
"Namaste" (sitting down, legs outstretched, forehead on her ankles, folded in half!)
"I did it!"
"Go Daddy go! Go Daddy go!" (shaking a pompom, when he dances)
"Good JOB Daddy/Mommy!!" (followed by the potty dance, when she sees us use the toilet)
"Pay pee-doh me?"
"Where my yucy go?" (Lucy is the name of her lovey) "I want different yucy" (we have three, and she's now developed a favorite.)
"Thank you Daddy, thank you Mommy, thank you Deedee, thank you Kathryn, thank you Hannah, thank you Bubba, thank you Curtis, thank you [insert long list of other friends/inanimate objects]" (this is how she prays)

.....................................................................................

Mommy (in the morning, before school, the day after her teacher was out sick): Are you going to see Paula today?
Leah: No, Paula sick. (like it is no big deal that she just answered the question and gave a reason)

Things

Leah's new favorite phrase is "I go potty!!" (Which means, of course, "Mother, would you be so kind as to procure a fresh diaper for your sweet youngest child?")

Eden has started using phrases like "The truth is"

Leah is now obsessed with babies - real and pretend. She loves to put her dolls "Nigh-nigh" (by putting them on their stomachs, covering them completely with a blanket, and pounding on their backs).

Eden loves to teach her sister. And she's surprisingly patient with her when invariably Leah is uncooperative with her agenda. Leah loves the attention and if she's in the mood she will imitate anything Eden does.

Leah is also obsessed with pacifiers - "Bink" she calls them. She doesn't really use them herself but she LOVES to find them in other babies' strollers, on the sidewalk, in other kids' mouths...

We can't find a Disney movie yet that doesn't give Eden nightmares. To be fair we have only tried a few (and are happy to take suggestions!) Tried with the Lion King this week - FAIL.

A friend of mine turned down basically her dream job in government this week - doing exactly the kind of work she loves, for no more than 35 hours a week - for financial reasons. It really makes me ache to have my act together so I can make decisions based on something other than CRUSHING DEBT. Even if that means I stay right where I am, I really want to have a choice in the matter.

I'm turning 30 in a few weeks. And I am feeling very "eh, whatever" about it, except that (i) I feel like it is a great reason to celebrate and (ii) I have felt 30 for a long time - we are the youngest in our group of friends.

And This:

The New Job

It doesn't feel all THAT new anymore, in that I've been there for over two months, and I feel pretty integrated into the department. People within the firm but outside the department have started calling me directly for advice in my practice area, and I've figured out the technology.

You guys, this job is so good.

I try not to overplay it. I'm in the honeymoon phase, I know, and I'm terrified of the other shoe dropping, but seriously, it's working out so well right now.

The department is small, and I've had a chance to work with everyone. I've been busy but not too busy, working on projects that are challenging and exciting. One of my biggest fears in leaving my old firm was that I'd already developed relationships with the people I worked with, that I'd already established myself, and that gave me credibility and a bit of freedom to maintain the flexibility I want. I needn't have worried.


Even when I'm working a lot (like last week, billing 13 hour days) I have still been able to leave the office pretty early (for BigLaw - or, I suspect, just about AnyLaw). Usually I'm walking out at 4:45. Sometimes it's more like 5:15, but when 5:15 seems late, you know things are totally awesome. Billing 13 hours from 9am to 10 or 11pm is So. Much. Different. than billing 13 hours from 9am to 5pm and 8pm to 1am. For me, it's different in a pretty amazing way, because it means I'm home - and present - with my family for two or three hours, playing Candyland with Eden, teaching Leah to say new words, hearing about Bryan's day. Eating dinner at the table with my three favorite people. And to not feel guilty about that from the work side, to know I'm supported by my coworkers and bosses, makes it that much sweeter.

Today I was in a meeting - with a client - that started at 3:00. At 5:02 my boss (the practice group leader) suddenly started, and very sincerely exclaimed - "Katie! Do you need to go? I'm so sorry for keeping you!" I told him it was OK, I could stay, and he said, "Are you sure? If you need to go, we can pick this back up later." I said it was fine, and stayed to finish the meeting, but it was FANTASTIC to have him recognize that this was not anyone's expectation of me. And I and still left at 6:00, waving an enthusiastic goodbye to him as I left the office, and was home for some play time and bedtime. Then I logged in and turned a draft of the document we were working on.

Seriously, this might be sustainable. I just pray I'm not putting my foot in my mouth.

4 Years (plus a little)

Eden,

You turned 4 on June 15. Four! You're such a big girl. I know I sound like a broken record, but I cannot believe how fast the time has flown.

Three was... a hard age for you. It's one reason this post took a bit to write, actually, and a reason I've been a bit silent about your development this year. I'll tell you the story of your fourth birthday party, it about sums that up:

We were all excited for your party. You wanted your party in a barn. It's really hard to find a venue with a barn in New England in the summertime. If you'd been born in September, or even July, that would be a piece of cake, but unfortunately most of the farms are still closed for parties in June. So we decided to wing it in our condo complex's clubhouse, and make it feel like a barn. You invited all of your friends from school (for the first time!).

The day of the party, a Sunday, we came home from church and you just... melted down. Epically. You were screaming, hitting, pinching, punching, completely out of control. By the time I got you calmed down, you just fell asleep. It was 12:30. Your party was scheduled for 3:00. We couldn't very well have you wake up from your nap, after that epic situation, and be "rewarded" by an afternoon full of friends and cake and presents, so we made a very difficult decision. We cancelled your party. Gut wrenching and frustrating and sad as it was, we had to call and email everyone on the guest list and tell them there would be no party. And then we had to tell you. You took it better than we expected, but the three additional meltdowns in the next 6 hours told us we'd made the right choice, as terribly difficult as it was. It still brings tears to my eyes to think that you'll never have a fourth birthday party (even as I also know that I have no clue what my own fourth birthday party was!).

You've unfortunately spent a lot of time in the last year in tears, in tantrums, in screaming fits. One day in October you refused to get dressed and I had to take you to preschool stark naked. You screamed at the top of your lungs the whole way there, and I carried you in, barely covered in a blanket, no clue what to do. The teachers (mortified, I'm sure) immediately asked if I needed help, I squeaked out a yes, and as soon as they asked if you'd like to get dressed, you complied.

Yes, it's been a difficult year.

BUT.

It's also been a time of incredible growth and development. And I'm happy to say (tentatively) that I think we're looking backward on that year. I continue to constantly be amazed at the little lady you've become on the other side.

In preparation for your birthday party, you helped me make invitations. You love being creative, and jump at the chance to do something crafty or help bake; last weekend we made a cake. You sit at the bar and help stir, help crack eggs, help measure flour, and it's very sweet how concentrated and careful you are.

You are starting to use your imagination (which you are happy to announce you're doing - "I'm using my imagination, Mommy!") and play alone or with us (or your friends at school). Right now your favorite things to do are to play princesses (which almost always involves a wedding) and "MommyDaddyBaby" (which often involves babysitting). Objects are never what they appear to be; they always stand for something else, which drives your concrete father a bit nuts but makes me so excited.

(Proudly showing off your "car")

You've also started playing board games, which is very fun for Daddy and me - we love that we can all three sit together and play Candyland or Chutes and Ladders. (Incidentally, you have crazy luck - you almost ALWAYS win, which is so odd, because they're games of chance, with no skill involved!)

(Cootie!)

We are constantly amazed at what you're learning right now, in a more academic manner. You know all your letters (just tonight I noticed that you can start in the middle of the alphabet and recite from there, without singing the song) and their sounds, and you're starting to put words together a bit. You know all of your numbers too, and recently you've started doing basic addition and subtraction.

(Family walk around the neighborhood)

You are a little bit timid, taking time to warm up to every situation, even the preschool you attend five days a week. But once you warm up, you're right in the mix, excited and chattering away.

(Rock on, girlfriend!)

You are an incredible big sister. That is one thing that, even in your hardest, most difficult moments, never goes away. You LOVE Leah. You don't always want her up in your business, true, but you are (usually) kind about it. And if she's upset, you're the first to try to fix it. And she loves you, too. One of my favorite moments of the day is when we wake Leah up and get her out of her crib, and she immediately heads to your room, lifts up your covers (you sleep completely under them) and gives you a big hug. You will squint open one eye, then throw your arm around her, and she'll climb into your bed for a snuggle. I stand in the doorway and watch it unfold, thankful for two sweet little girls.

(Educating Leah about the giraffes at the zoo)

Today, Eden, was a great day. You were so good. You cleaned your room all by yourself, we played two games of Hi Ho Cherry-O, you transitioned from activity to activity without protest. We went for a walk, you skinned your knee (galloping in Crocs - not a good idea) and were so brave when I cleaned it. You kissed Leah goodnight and rubbed her head. You sat still while I braided your hair (because you wanted it "curly" tomorrow). And I thought, Three is gone. Four is here. And I am so glad. I know this year won't be perfect, and it will have its ups and downs, but you're in SUCH a better place.

(Ice cream date with Mommy)

I love you so incredibly much, girlie. I know that things are not always going to be easy, and I embrace that, because it shows that you're a strong individual. You know what you want, and I know that will serve you very well later in life. And I love that about you.

(Checking out the swings at the church!)

You're awesome, kid, and I can't wait for tomorrow.

Love,
Mommy

Transition

Last Wednesday was my last day at MegaLaw. The exit was bittersweet. Honestly I've loved my group, the people I have worked with directly have been fantastic, and it is both sad and terrifying to leave that, even if I know it's so what I should do, what makes the most sense. They took me to lunch and got me a cake. I made them cake balls and gave them handwritten thank you notes, which they all thought was old-fashioned and "quaint" but mostly I got emotional and I couldn't imagine saying the thank yous I wanted to say face to face without losing it, so I wrote them down.

I left the office around 3:00, and my six-day weekend, unemployed, began.

DC was awesome. Highlights included sleeping past 9:30, seeing a movie, getting a fantastic massage, and getting to hang with my girl Meg and meet some of her friends. Lowlight was the 7:00 am flight on Saturday morning after hanging with Meg and her friends on Friday night - wow, I'm such a mom.

This weekend was pretty normal, although I did miss French toast breakfast. (sadface). We had an event at the church on Saturday (Exodus Fair - it was pretty cool - groups of people set up booths highlighting different parts of the Exodus story. Ours was a shuffleboard-like game where kids shuffled Baby Moses through reeds. Funny, and less informative than others, but very fun) and then we all took a long (3 hour!) nap. We went to the park in the afternoon. Sunday after naptime we went to the zoo. (We are members and it was SUCH a good idea - Eden is super into it).

Monday I got to hang out with a friend who has a very new baby. It was her first day home alone and so I got to help her out. She has a 2.5 year old who is seriously one of my favorite kiddos. He's easy and fun and so freaking smart it's crazy. He talks as well as Eden, and I think he actually knows more about a lot of stuff than she does. He loved my get-you bugs. :) And it was sweet to hold a newborn (and hand her back at the end of the day!).

Today I did two sewing projects (I upcycled old shirts of mine into dresses for the girls - it's my new favorite thing) and ran a few errands. And caught up on my DVR (mostly).

I could get used to this whole not working thing, I think. Except for that whole not working = not getting paid thing. That kinda sucks. But being untethered for a few days was exactly as awesome as I thought it would be.

Now tomorrow I start the new job, at BigLaw. I'm excited, nervous, and a little bit terrified. Should be good, right? :)

From MegaLaw to BigLaw

I'm leaving my firm.

I put in my notice today. It seems like there is a tier missing in law firms - this firm is much smaller than my current firm, but it's by no means a small firm - or even a midsized firm. So I'm calling it a move from MegaLaw to BigLaw.

It all happened very, very fast. Cold call from a headhunter to offer and acceptance in 22 days. But it's right for me. I think. I hope. There are so many reasons for this - so many reasons it is smart - and I don't think I want to hash it all here, but suffice it to say that I've got good reasons related to my career long term, and I'm very, very excited about the possibilities.

But... today was hard. Breaking up with five men and one woman in one morning was definitely hard. And I spent a large chunk of the day dealing with administrative hurdles for the exit. It feels like the next two weeks are going to be awkward. And draining.

My last day will be two weeks from yesterday, May 16. That night I'm rewarding myself by flying to DC to spend some time with my best friend from law school. Untethered. Oh that is going to be so beautiful. I'll be back on Saturday morning in time for our weekly French toast breakfast. Then, after a hopefully-relaxing weekend with my family, I'm going to try to get a massage on Monday or Tuesday and start work at my new job on Wednesday.

EEK! :)

Check out my posse

Cutest biker chicks ever.