Distracted.

Despite the mountain of work on my desk, I can't seem to focus.

I keep re-hearing the sirens outside my window.

I was nowhere near the finish line, but I was downtown, at work, feeling trapped and unsure of what was happening - was I safe? how would I get home? when could I leave? is this even real? this is my city! why?

There's so much to say, most of it already said, but I sit here trying to focus on revising documents and passing diligence information back and forth and it all seems so useless. So insignificant.

Last night I got a ride home (I wasn't sure if my bus was running and even if it was I'm sure it would have taken forever, because traffic was being re-routed all over the place) and had dinner with my family, grateful for the opportunity to do so, and then after the kids were in bed Bryan and I sat down to watch some of the news coverage. And I promptly fell asleep. It was that hard, hard sleep too, where even if you come out of it a bit you can't stay awake. Apparently I folded two baskets of laundry last night, but I barely remember it. I think my body wanted to release the stress, to relax after several hours of being clenched in anxiety, fear, disbelief.

And I dreamed of running, being chased by a bad man, knowing he was going to overtake me, that I was never going to make it home, and aching for my family's pain.

I know there is good. I know God is bigger. I am thankful for my friends in the medical tent that day, safe from the explosion but skillfully helping those who needed it, and for all of the others who ran toward the smoke, toward the blood donation centers.

But still. I feel a little broken, a little sad, and very distracted.