Two years, and where we are now

So. It's been two years since Eden's burns.

I blogged on the anniversary without comment, not because I didn't think of it (often), because I did, but more because it was ... a bit unremarkable. It was a normal crazy Saturday for us. Maybe that, in itself, is remarkable.

The truth is, we've all come a long way in two years. Even last year I was still grieving the incident. Now I think my attitude about it is, yes, it sucked, and yes, it will always suck, but it happened and she is totally fine and we are so thankful for our little family that it almost seems insignificant. Like a broken arm or something. I know it was more than a broken arm, it was scarier than that, and we were much more traumatized than that, but it doesn't feel as big anymore.

On difference between this year and last year is that Eden knows what happened now. Just this morning she was talking about being burned. She said, "Daddy picked me right up. He saved me from the fire." Which is partly true and partly exaggeration, but the point is, she's getting it all straight in her little mind. She will often say when something is hot, "Don't touch that or you might get burned. Like me." and point to the scars on her arms. Sometimes that breaks my heart, but I don't think she's feeling sorry for herself at all - it's just a part of her. It's all she's ever really known.

Bryan is doing SO much better. For a long time he would bring it up at random times when things weren't going well with Eden (and even Leah) as Exhibit A to his failures as a parent. THAT breaks my heart. These things happen. Could it have been avoided? Sure. But we can't avoid every possible injury; we do the best we can and that's all we can do. And we can't live in what-ifs. We just can't. It could have happened a million other ways, and it could have been when I was watching her or any of our friends, or even both of us. I think the guilt will stick for a while, maybe even forever, but I think he's getting that now on a head-level.

When I think about these things, when I think about where we are now, I am just so thankful. Eden is a happy, fully-functioning kid. It could have been so much worse. We saw how bad it could have been while we were at Shriner's. The girl in the room next door was 16 and barely lived through a firey car accident. Her parents were just glad she was alive. The kid down the hall, only a week younger than Eden, had scalding burns over 85% of his body. His mother couldn't even hold him for a month, and when she could, he was still so heavily sedated he was limp. The thought of those kids, the looks on their parents' faces, will forever make me thankful that I have a happy, healthy, boisterous, and beautiful preschooler.

And now, looking at where we are, I can believe that someday, I will wake up on September 11, or 12, or 23, and realize that the anniversary passed and I didn't even notice. God is good, people. GOOD.