Leah's bedding

This is not really a "tutorial" kind of blog, and I'm not sure I have much to "tutorial" about, but it's a blog about my life, and this has been a huge part of my life for the past couple of months, and to be honest I'm kind of proud of how it turned out.

Backstory: we live in a 2-bedroom apartment. We are about to have baby #2. We are moving this summer to a bigger place, but in the meantime we've got a lack of space (or at least a lack of partition) making bringing in an additional child (especially a newborn) slightly problematic. So Bryan and I decided to get a mini crib for our bedroom for Leah.

I have always been intrigued by the idea of making baby bedding - it seems like it's not terribly difficult (a lot of straight seams, etc) as long as you can get the engineering right. Add to that the fact that mini crib bedding is super hard to find, and I couldn't find anything I loved, and there you have it. I decided to make Leah's bedding.

So... here it is:
(bumpers and blanket)

(crib skirt - taken prior to the bumpers being finished)

I love the pink, the mix of patterns and textures (that's chenille at the bottom of the skirt - it's also on the reverse side of the bumpers) and the elephants marching around the crib!

A friend of mine convinced me (thanks, Ro!) to take pictures at every stage. I was way better at this at first, apparently - I have no pictures of the actual process of making the bumpers, which was the hardest part, but oh well. Here's roughly how I did it:

Step 1: gather materials
(not pictured: four zippers, piping, thread, etc).

Step 2: make bumper forms (for regular-sized cribs, you can buy these. For a mini crib, you either have to make them or buy bumpers and use them as forms - making them was far more cost-efficient).

I used a layer of foam wrapped in batting, and stuffed into muslin. All extremely cheap at the fabric store around the corner from work, but quite awkward to navigate with on the T.

First I measured how big I wanted the bumpers, and then subtracted a little from the height to account for the batting, and then cut the foam.

I enlisted Bryan to help me wrap the foam in batting.


I measured the circumference (?) of the forms using a measuring tape, added for seam allowance on length and width (I used 1/2" seam allowance for everything - I think it was great because it was so forgiving), and then cut, pinned, sewed, and stuffed the muslin. Sorry I don't have a final picture of the bumper forms! I promise, they look just like the picture above except brown...

I suppose you could skip this step, but I wanted the bumpers to be easily washable, and re-stuffable. (That's also the reason I put in zippers on the bumper covers).

Step 3: Crib skirt. SUPER easy, but makes a big impact. First I cut all of the pieces to the size I wanted. This ended up being a 2-step process, because I measured the first time all the way from the bottom of the mattress to the floor and didn't like the way it looked like that, so I re-measured and took off a few inches from the top layer.

(this is pre-second cut).

Basically, pin and sew the pieces together, iron the seams (!!) then hem the sides. I used muslin for the under-the-mattress part, and that worked quite well. (My one tip here would be to make the muslin a little smaller than the size of the mattress - this will ensure that the muslin doesn't end up showing. I didn't do this and wish I had).

Step 3: Bumpers. This is by far the longest, most tedious process.

Make the ties - I remember looking at patterns and tutorials for making bedding online and it seemed like everyone used ribbon for ties. I didn't like that look very much and I couldn't figure out why. Now I know. Making ties is SUPER time-consuming. I spent two evenings just doing this! It involved cutting the fabric, ironing the seam allowances in, and then sewing on the outside of the fabric (no way was I going to turn them inside-out; I tried one that way and totally lost my patience). And I had to make sixteen. But they turned out really cute, totally worth it.


Then I made the piping - measure around the piping form, add 1" for seam allowance, and use a zipper presser foot to sew right up on the edge. (I didn't take any pictures of this step... sorry... this is where it started to get spotty...)

Next I cut all of the pieces for the bumpers, and tried to figure out how to insert invisible zippers. I ended up just following the directions on the package, and that was smart. Then I sewed all of the sides, including the piping seam allowance in the top seam allowance (does that even make sense? I'm tired) and inserting the ties along the side seams. The hardest parts about this were (1) making sure that I got the seam right on the edge of the piping form again, and (2) making sure there were no "holes" around the top and bottom of the zipper. I had to go back and fix three out of four of the bumper covers when I was done for one or both of these issues.

Ultimately, though, I think it looks pretty cute:

And the bumpers passed Eden's inspection (she calls them "We-ah's pillows"):

I should also say, step zero, I guess, was making the blanket (this was extra, obviously, and I did it before I started the rest of the bedding). I used this tutorial on YouTube. It took forever and a ton of yarn (I would probably use a bigger needle next time) but it was very, very easy. And it's going to be super warm for our little winter baby.

I have grand ideas about making a mobile using the parts from Eden's mobile, and possibly a Boppy cover (curved lines?? What??), but for now I feel good that Leah's bedding is finished. And I'm glad it turned out cute. It was a lot of work, but she's worth it!

At home

So, news. Forgive me, it's a little disjointed, but I am tired (yes I know it is 8:30. I'm old, pregnant, and Eden was sick last night; I'm OK with it).

I've been seeing the doctor every week for quite a while now (had a weird heartbeat non-issue plus a ton of contractions, which up to now have been thankfully unproductive but also quite annoying). Thursday afternoon I had my usual doctor's appointment and, as usual (for the past month), she does a quick "exam." (yeah, that kind).

She gets a little quiet. I am too nervous to look at her, plus it's a little awkward in that position... and so I stare at the supply cabinet. And she says, "Yeah, you're about 'fingertip' dilated, and a lot 'shorter' than last week... You have the capacity to work from home, right?"

Yes, ma'am, I do. But first, please tell me this is not a big deal.

"So you're 33 weeks now." (33 1/2 actually, but who's counting?) "At 34, we wouldn't stop labor anyway, but ideally we'd like to see you get to 36 or 37 at least." (I know this, and I am a little bit freaking out about the thought that 34 weeks is in FOUR DAYS, and they wouldn't do anything to stop labor? What?? I can't imagine having a 34 week baby - oh please God no!) "I don't think you'll go too soon - I think you'll make it to 35 or 36 at least." (Oh, thanks, so you're giving me 1.5 weeks?? ELEVEN DAYS???) "And you might make it to 40, 41." (Bless you for saying that, Doc. I needed to hear that.) "But I want you to start working from home anyway. I think you need to take it a little easier. Do you need a note from me?"

OK, so it's not a huge deal, I'm barely dilated, but I'm being told to work from home. And Leah could be here soonish. Or not.

I went in to the office on Friday, gathered some stuff, talked to HR and the associates' committee chair, and got set up to start my official work-from-home phase on Monday morning. From a work standpoint, it is not going to be super easy, but it will be doable. From a life standpoint, it takes a HUGE load off. I can stop working at 6, and be home at 6! I can sleep until 8 and start working at 8:30 (gotta eat breakfast and stuff, but don't have to shower/get dressed/even get out of bed!). Plus, I finally feel like I'm doing something to help this baby stay in, other than try to drown contractions while lying on my side on the couch.

The firm has been really great about the whole thing. The associates' committee chair told me to just let them know whatever I needed - if I need to start working a reduced schedule, OK, that can be arranged (at full pay). And if I need to quit working altogether, OK, that can be arranged (at full pay). And don't worry about utilization this year. We understand. (Can I get that one in writing, please?) My practice group was very understanding; to be honest I think they half-expected something like this for a while. I had a client meeting with one of the partners a couple of weeks ago and he told the client ((a woman) who was gushing over my belly, asking when the baby was due) he didn't expect me to make it to my due date. But they're a great group of people, so I didn't expect any less. The only difficult thing is, my secretary was fired a couple of weeks ago and they haven't replaced him, so I am in this weird in-between phase where I am shoving my administrative work off onto two other secretaries. Each secretary on my floor works with 4 attorneys, so each of those two secretaries now essentially works with 6 (their regular 4, plus 2 (give or take) which my secretary was working with) - which is, of course, insane already. Now one of those attorneys (yours truly) is going to be out of the office, which means these two ladies will be answering every single phone call, emailing about every piece of mail, sending documents back and forth to my house, getting stuff out of my office, etc. Thankfully they're both wonderful.

So, that's the story. We'll see how tomorrow goes. The firm set me up with a loaner laptop, a loaner printer, a ream of paper, and a bunch of office supplies. Everything is set up in our office and I should be ready to hit the ground running tomorrow. And if I need to take a rest, put my feet up, and make the contractions stop, I can do so. I might even be able to sneak in a nap.

Plus, I no longer have to wait in below-freezing weather for a bus every morning! Bonus!

Open Letter to Third Trimester

Hello, Third Trimester. We're not really going to be friends, are we? It seems like every time we start to get along, you throw down. And me? Well, at least for another several weeks (we hope), I'm at your mercy. You've gone to heartburn, pelvic pain, back pain, shortness of breath (why do we live on the third floor again?), and, most of all, contractions. Lots of contractions. They don't do anything, thankfully, they're just sometimes regular and occasionally painful and always annoying. We've already been to the hospital once to get checked out, and I've had to call the doctor twice more because I've been having lots of those pesky contractions. Always on Sundays, always when Bryan's not home. Probably because you know that's when if something needs to be done, I'm the only one here to do it. We don't need to run through the list of "things that need to be done" because we both know that's just a little too much information for the Internet. Let's leave it at lots of messes, especially those of a two-and-a-half year old and a cute but sort of stupid cat.

Well, we're going to have to make peace with each other. Even if we can't be friends, we're going to have to live with each other for several more weeks. Hopefully at least 8, but not more than 12. How about I'll try to take it easier and not carry groceries up three flights of stairs, and you avoid making me freak out that I'm going into preterm labor.

Because this is not about you or me. This is about Leah. And we want her to be healthy and strong and ready to face the world. So throw your heartburn, pelvic pain, back pain, and shortness of breath at me all you want. But let's just leave her out of it. OK?

Sweet Eden

Eden,

Tonight I started going through your old clothes to see what we could use for your baby sister ("We-wah"). After spending half an hour digging though 0-3 and 3-6 sized clothes, I took a good long look at you, and I swear if I didn't witness the transformation one day at a time I could hardly believe you're the same person as that tiny baby. I remember holding you with one arm, and now when we cuddle in the rocking chair at night your head is on my chest, your bottom is in my lap, and your legs hang off the side.

Tonight as I sang "You Are My Sunshine" to you, stroking your forehead above your nose in that way I've done a thousand times, you started to fall asleep and I almost lost it staring at your sweet, almost-baby face. I love who you are, right now. And I desperately want to hold onto it, before it slips away. I know the next phase will be amazing too, but I honestly can't imagine that any stage is better than this.

You talk in sentences, and the (most of) things that come out of your little mouth are hilarious and sweet at the same time, if for no other reason than that they come out in that tiny voice like music. You play independently for stretches of time, speaking in a surprisingly understandable narrative as you go. You run and jump and love your rain boots (you put them on yourself!). You're about 98% potty trained (you still have accidents when we don't pay attention to how long it's been since you've been to the potty, or when you get really distracted). You sit in a booster seat at the table and sleep (yes! Thank God, you sleep! Most nights, all night long!) in a big girl bed. (Oh, but we shouldn't call you a big girl - "I not a big girl I EDEN!"). You still love to cuddle sometimes, but you also want to "do it MYSELF" a lot. You have a routine, you know the routine, and you let us know if we've deviated from the routine.

You're full of joy - your eyes light up at the simplest things and I adore that about you. Last weekend we went to a church retreat and you discovered acorns, and when Brennan showed you that the tops come off you thought that was the best thing ever. You learned that Jesus made the acorns, that squirrels ("squaaarts") eat the acorns, and Jesus made the squirrels, and squirrels live in trees, and Jesus made the trees (I didn't even have to tell you that last part - you got it all on your own)! It is so sweet to hear you say "Jesus make acorns"!

One of my favorite looks from you is this quizzical look you get when you're asking a question or something doesn't quite make sense. The other day you noticed a bruise on my leg and you said, "Mommy, you have a boo-boo? You want me clean it?" with that little look. (When I said OK, you ran to your room and came back with your little broom, and proceeded to sweep my leg.)

You are amazed by airplanes. Every time you hear one, your eyebrows go up and your mouth forms a little "o" and you have to stop what you're doing to try to find it. And if we ask where it's going, the answer is always the same (it's also where the squaaarts go when they run away) - Oklahoma ("Hama").

You've grown up so much, and I just can't believe what a beautiful little girl you've become. Sweet Eden, I absolutely love being your mommy. I thank God for you, for the opportunity to be your mother, and I pray for wisdom about how to do that.

I just wanted to let you know I love you, and I think you're pretty amazing.

Love,

Mommy

Apple Picking!

I finally got our pictures developed from our apple picking excursion at the end of September. (That's the bad thing about a film camera - we're so used to instant gratification!)

They were worth the wait, though:

Eden and Bryan walking to find the perfect picking tree...

Eden was SO EXCITED to pick apples. She went to town - she picked a half a peck all by herself. She didn't really care about all of the activities at the farm, she really just wanted to go "APPLE PICKING!! APPLE PICKING!!"


And she very much enjoyed the "fruits" of her labor... (oh yes I'm hi-larious). It was 80 degrees that day - in late September, mind you - so we were all sweaty, but our little head-sweater was particularly soaked.

Cider doughnuts - so yummy.... (sorry it's sideways. I'm too tired to go back and flip it.)


Our family picture attempt didn't go so well, but here you have Missy Moo eating a pumpkin, which is what she did the first time we went to a pumpkin patch (she was 4 months old). So I include it because the reference makes me happy! Please ignore the huge, blindingly pale woman sitting next to those two beautiful people...


This family photo turned out better:


Eden also liked the pumpkins, though she found herself two little pumpkins right away and just carried them around. But I like this picture of her in the pumpkin patch anyway.

When we were finished apple picking, we hung out with Quinn and Kelli at home. And Eden stole some kisses:


And we managed to snap a pretty awesome shot, which I love way more than her school pictures (in which she refused to smile). I might try editing this a little bit and having it printed instead of ordering the school pictures, even though you can see our couch in the background... What do you guys think?


This picture was later that night, but I love her sweet face in it - those beautiful eyes and those lips just like her Daddy's!



Maybe the waiting for the 35mm pictures is sometimes a good thing, because inevitably when we're getting ready to take the camera out we find a half-used roll, and when it is developed it turns out something like this:

(Sweet baby Eden under the tree, Christmas 2008!)

Defining Moment

Please forgive the stream-of-consciousness; I'm tired and ready for a nap but I want to get this down before it fades too much.

I was watching a local TV show this weekend and it had a special about Facebook. It was talking about its history, how it's been used to help people find love, how it can be a marketing gold mine, etc. And there was a woman who was a personal "branding" expert or something talking about how to use it personally. The one thing that she said that stuck out to me (and I think it applies maybe even more to blogs, particularly when, like me, you're not very anonymous and also not password-protected) was to think about what you're writing as being on the front page of the paper. Would you still write it?

It was interesting, and another reminder that nothing you say on the internet is personal or safe from scrutiny, but it also made me think about the content of my own Facebook and blog posts, and while I don't think there's anything particularly damaging on either (I hope there isn't - I try to be very careful!), I also wonder what overall impression people are getting of me based on them.

I've thought a lot about what I want my life to stand for, what my truest priorities are in life. I've tried to define in my mind what I want to define me, what I want people to remember me for when I die (and even more, when I LIVE). And I think I've got a pretty good idea of what it is. But I'm not sure I live my life that way (in fact I'm pretty sure I often live my life the opposite of that), and even when I do live my life that way, I'm not sure my "public" self reflects that.

This morning as I was reading through an old notebook I used to carry around and scribble in occasionally the thought struck me again. The fact is, we are pretty mechanical beings. We output what we input. As an illustration in the notebook says - not sure where it came from - (Amy maybe?) we are like old Polaroid pictures, slowly becoming in the image of what we've spent our time focused on. I think as I become more like the picture I want to be, the more the truths of that picture will spill out of me.

So, in order to make that image of myself visible, it should first define me, meaning, it should be who I am. And in order for it to define me, I must first let it define me. And in order to do that I must focus on it - I must dwell in it. And THAT is what I have been lacking, as shameful as I feel to admit it. So I'm making a commitment today. And putting it in writing.

"I appeal to you therefore, brothers, by the mercies of God, to present your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and acceptable to God, which is your spiritual worship. Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect." Romans 12:1-2.

I want to be transformed. I'm re-committing to focus on the One who should - and who I want to - define my life, by renewing my mind and dwelling in His temple.

From the notebook, written almost exactly two years ago: "How can I repay the Lord for all his goodness to me? I will lift up the cup of salvation and call on the name of the Lord. I will fulfill my vows to the Lord in the presence of all his people." Psalm 116:12-14

Beautiful Night

Tonight was awesome. Just one of those nights I feel so blessed to be right where I am.

Bryan texted me at about 4:30 to say he didn't feel like cooking and thought we should go out to dinner tonight. (Yes, can I just pause to say how awesome it is that my amazing, servant-hearted husband cooks dinner for our family every night? While watching our daughter? Even if he is not going to be eating it with us?) He asked me what I was craving. (Again, awesome, and SO the right thing to say to a pregnant woman!)

We ended up meeting up in Harvard Square for dinner at Wagamamas. It has been a long time since we have done that and it was so nice! We didn't rush, we just hung together, just the three of us. Dinner was yummy of course, and it was the perfect place for a toddler! After dinner we took a walk and enjoyed the warm evening and the hustle and bustle of the Square, and stopped (at Eden's suggestion, of course) for ice cream. We sat outside Peet's and ate it and it was just so relaxing, so nice, so perfect. Reminded me of a time soon after we found out I was pregnant with Eden that we went ambling around the Square, contemplating how our lives were about to change in a big way and not feeling quite sure we were ready for it. We did a little of that tonight too, talking about how things are so perfect right now and we aren't sure how adding another personality to the mix will change things. But we have the benefit of having been through these feelings before and seeing the flip side, and the flip side totally rocks. (usually).

After we got home and got Miss Eden to bed, I sat to work on crocheting Leah's blanket (more on that later), and she started kicking like crazy. Bryan and I watched my belly move with her kicks and I knew that even though life as a family of four (FOUR!) is all a big question mark, I love this little girl so much already and I honestly can't wait for the day I get to stare into her little eyes and welcome her into our family.

Follow-Up at Shriner's

Just wanted to tie up a loose end in case anyone was keeping track. I mentioned a few months ago that we were set to have a surgical consult on September 7 with Eden at Shriner's. That consult got rescheduled to September 14, and we went in fully expecting to schedule a surgery at least for her index finger and middle finger.

What a blessing - we instead were told our little Missy Moo is making excellent progress, and looks MUCH better than she did at her last appointment. They see no reason to rush into surgery right now, because she's not really losing function in her fingers, and the scars are getting softer and softer, slowly but surely. It continues to amaze me that there is so much hope in this situation - God keeps pouring it out on us, day by day, in such unexpected ways!

They did say she will still need surgery on that hand at some point, but just right now, there's no reason to go full steam ahead. We have a follow up appointment in November (they are thinking it might be better for everyone for her to have the surgery before Leah arrives), but we will be seeing a plastic surgeon at that point, which is a step in the right direction from the more acute (not sure if that is the right word...) surgery we were anticipating.

We feel very blessed right now. Just wanted to share. :)

Makes sense to me I guess...

Me (looking at Eden's day sheet from daycare): Wow, you didn't take a nap at all today, did you?

Eden: No, I not take a nap.

Me: Why not?

Eden: 'Cuz I sleep all night, OK?

Edited to add: importantly, she was actually correct about that last point. Last night she slept from 8:30 to 7:30!! Without waking up!! The night before I woke up at 6:30 thinking she'd slept all night - but Bryan told me that at 2:30 she got up, came to HIS SIDE OF THE BED, and so he walked her back to her room, tucked her in, and walked away. Not a peep out of her. This whole sleep training thing is totally working - I'll do a longer post later when I'm convinced it's not a fluke!

One year later

Friday was the first anniversary of our nightmare. Thankfully, most of the day was focused on other things (work, life, and our big news). But Bryan and I both solemnly remembered the occasion. We hugged our precious girl (and each other) a little tighter that morning, and I had to fight to keep it together on my way to work, remembering the commute that terrible day. Even now, after I read through that first blog post and just re-lived that first couple of days, I have tears streaming down my face. I wonder if the memory will ever stop making me ache for her like that. And I just can't let this anniversary pass without comment.

As much as I sit here aching, and as much as it still hurts to remember that awful, awful time, I honestly also see it as a testament to God's faithfulness and care for our daughter. Here we sit, a year later, and she has no memory of that incident. She is aware of the after-effects: she has a hand and arm massage twice a day; I catch her often staring at her hands and clenching and unclenching her fists, deep in concentration, and then rubbing the worst parts of the scars; she feels for heat on things with the backs of her hands instead of the scarred pads of her fingers. BUT. It doesn't bother her. She is still a carefree kid, delightfully unaware of the horror she faced a year ago. And, someday when she does understand what happened, she will never, ever have to carry the memories - we carry those for her. It's just life for her.

In some ways, to me, it feels like yesterday - I can so vividly remember so many of the little details of the day: calling my secretary from the cab, hearing the sirens as I neared my house, calling my coworkers from the ambulance, the horrible-tasting OJ in the ER at Children's after I passed out, the crowd of people around her sterile, metal crib those first moments at Shriner's, our pastor, in sweats and glasses, holding my sobbing husband and praying over our daughter, and countless others. But also in some ways it feels far away - it's all become a part of life, just a routine we deal with, just something we handle. We comment on the progress of her scars without emotion, we carefully make sure she's always slathered with sunscreen so her scars don't get any more pigment, we speculate about the scope of her probably-upcoming surgery as a matter of fact, I commute without fear of the phone ringing, and we live life. And it's OK. We're all OK. And we know we'll continue to get better and better.

I think September 10 is always going to be a difficult day, but it also reminds us of how far we've come and gives us tremendous hope.

Love this sweet girl so much!