Eden Update

Eden is sleeping and Bryan has taken our guests to the Freedom Trail for some sightseeing, and I have a moment to sit and process and type up a quick update here.

Little Missy is doing as well as can be expected. She is eating MUCH better now that we're home, and she is usually happy to play with her toys and cuddle with Mommy and Daddy. Occasionally she will be just fine and all of a sudden out of nowhere start screaming, which is terrible, but with a little medication and about half an hour we can make that go away.

The nurse practitioner we have seen at the hospital has said her arms are looking much better, and even we can see that. There is a lot of "budding" which is new skin starting to form. That is very encouraging. Her palms still look unrecognizable, but there are promising areas on the edges. She will certainly need grafts on her hands. Her head, on the other hand, is really healing nicely. It is going to be just fine on its own.

I hate that this is what I have to blog about. I wanted to be posting pictures of our camping trip and talking about how Eden's really starting to parrot us and is picking up new words at an alarming pace. This past week has been terrible. It 100% sucks to watch my baby in so much pain and frustration, and to know that her little body is working so hard to fix itself from something so horrifying. It turns my stomach to think about what is underneath those bandages, and it makes me cry that those images are from my little girl's own hands - flesh of my flesh. I ache inside with the desire to take it away, to go back in time and make it never have happened, to fast forward to being through this healing process. And I am heartbroken for my husband, love of my life, who is so haunted and guilt-ridden over the whole thing.

But, as I keep saying, there have been bright spots in this ordeal. God has been good to us. He protected her body from more serious injury. He allowed me to keep it together enough the day it happened to make sure the things that needed to get done got done (getting our keys to someone, calling my secretary, passing off work, letting our families know, making sure Bryan was eating and drinking). He provided an amazing community of brothers and sisters here in Boston and literally all over the world who immediately enveloped us in love and support, praying for our little girl and taking care of our physical needs. He provided an amazing hospital with first-rate doctors to care for Eden, right in our hometown. He is slowly healing our hearts as He heals Eden's body.

I remember once before Eden was born watching an episode of Oprah where they interviewed a mom who had driven to work and accidentally left her baby in the car, in August, all day. The baby died and it was absolutely heartbreaking, but what stuck with me was the interview with the dad. He said he never, even for a minute, blamed his wife for what happened. I remember thinking that was total crap. Of course you would blame the mom - I did! It was her fault, right? If she had just had her act together their child would still be alive. But now, I get it. From the very beginning, I never blamed Bryan, not even for a minute. I instantly ached for him, I felt his pain, I felt that he blamed himself, but I never ever blamed him. It could have just as easily been me, or a babysitter, or anyone. I thank God for that instant sympathy for my husband that drew me to him, drew us together, rather than the blame I thought I would feel which would have ripped us apart.

This is hard, this is unbelievably awful, but we are getting through it day by day, by His grace.