On The End of Pregnancy

So. I'm pretty pregnant now.



Yep, that's me. (Well, my belly anyway). I'm 38 weeks today, people. I had two friends in two days say "Wow, you're huge" (or something of that sort) upon seeing me. Leah's left her marks on my belly, expanding the ones left there by her big sister into the shape of a heart, the top point of which is my decidedly-protruding belly button. (I suppose if I'm going to have stretch marks, at least they're in a sweet shape. I have pictures (black & white only) but I will not be sharing those with the Internet. I mean, they're still pretty ugly. Just sayin'. My bikini days are OVER.) Sleeping is becoming difficult as my lovely Braxton-Hicks contractions get stronger; they've now started waking me up at night. (But I can't complain because aside from the whole Eden not sleeping thing, I've been getting pretty great sleep up to now). My hips ache, walking is sometimes not so easy, and standing or sitting straight up for any extended period of time is pretty much out of the question.

But - here's the thing - I'm in no hurry for all of this to be over.

I'm actually not terribly uncomfortable. It is winter, and the cold helps offset my hormonal heat. The aches and pains and awkwardness of a huge basketball on my belly are slightly annoying, yes, and the not-sleeping thing is a little frustrating, but knowing that I am growing a life inside me, and every day she's in there is good for her, and knowing that I will almost certainly never feel another baby moving and kicking and hiccuping and all of that inside me again all adds up to make this whole thing very bearable. In fact, now that the contractions don't freak me out anymore (because if they turn into the real thing, that's totally OK), I'm sort of enjoying it. Weird, I know.

I do realize that any day could be Leah's birthday, and don't get me wrong, I am very excited to meet her and cuddle her and learn all of the intricacies of her face, her hands, her feet, her expressions. I am constantly imagining what life will be like with a snuggly little milky-smelling newborn and trying to envision what she will look like. But I'm pretty at peace. I realize that there is One who knows her birthday, and only One - and He is in control of far bigger things than even that. So why should I worry about it? I am just going to enjoy the next few minutes, hours, days, weeks and be patient. She'll be here soon, and our family will be four (plus Nino). But for now, we're just relaxing and enjoying life as it is today.

A few months ago I decided to memorize a Psalm, and ended up with Psalm 23, which has been playing itself over and over in my head since then and really has been a huge part of this peace:

The LORD is my shepherd; I shall not want.
He makes me lie down in green pastures.
He leads me beside still waters.
He restores my soul.
He leads me in paths of righteousness
for his name’s sake.

Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death,
I will fear no evil,
for you are with me;
your rod and your staff,
they comfort me.

You prepare a table before me
in the presence of my enemies;
you anoint my head with oil;
my cup overflows.
Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me
all the days of my life,
and I shall dwell in the house of the LORD
forever.

Let's pray this peace lasts until Leah is born (and beyond!) and that Psalm 23 helps me navigate that whole "labor and delivery" thing. (Oh, yeah, I have to do that too...)